a day to remember

*Just an editorial note: When I began my blog, I was struggling to get my thoughts out and the best way to do so was in the poetic, cryptic way that you see. Sometimes the thoughts still only come out that way but lately, they are "fuller" than that way of writing allows. So I'm going to shake things up a bit and actually write in full sentences and *gasp* use punctuation! Just didn't want you to think you were reading the wrong blog. :)

I was working yesterday at the bank and it was crazy busy. When I got there, I thought it was going to be slow all day. I had NOTHING to do. Then, all of a sudden, someone opened the gates and the people came streaming in. And the phone would.not.stop.ringing! The day went fast though and that was good for me.

While at work, I got a call from my daughter. Actually, she called three times and put in her contribution to the phone ringing off the hook. What a nice girl! Anyway, since first grade, she has had a crush on the same boy, a cutie that lives in our old subdivision. They were good buddies in first and second grade and then in third and fourth grade, they struggled through the "boys are gross, girls are gross" phase. I would think that this phase is still going on. Little do I know. I answered the phone to this giggly voice that said,

"Mom, I had the best day! (oh, really?) After the five longest years of my life (as opposed to the other 5 years of her life? came the comment from my husband), HE finally said he liked me! He likes me! He likes me! Oh my gosh, I can't believe he said he likes me!"

"So he likes you, huh? (Wondering how I got that? I'm so perceptive!) How exciting for you!"

And it went on from there. I won't bore you the details. I'm trying so hard to be supportive but not encouraging. I figure if I tune in now, she will be more willing to share "secrets" later. Am I totally off-base here or do you think that will work? I remember telling my mom about my first crush and she tried to talk me out of it. And then she blew me off, saying boys were dumb or something like that. I think she was trying to discourage me from boys (which I TOTALLY understand these days) but at the same time, she discouraged me from talking to her about it. I don't want to do that. Also, I've been hearing about this boy for five LONG years so I truly am excited for her. But can you believe that I am having to deal with this NOW? Couldn't she go, I don't know, maybe another 10 YEARS before I have to deal with this? I am SO not ready. Here we go...

Then, last night was the Homecoming parade. Which apparently is a HUGE deal to a 5th grader. It was neat. My son really enjoys a parade. (Although the first parade he attended was for Opening Day for baseball so trying to explain why there were no baseball players in the parade was a bit difficult. Leaves changing colors means football, leaves growing green on the trees means baseball...You know the four seasons, right? Football, Basketball, Baseball, and Play Outside. Well, that's what they are in our house...)

So, tonight's the game. And, of course, the social butterfly HAS to go. And maybe THE boy is going to be there. This should be interesting. I bet he completely ignores her. Which would be good, obviously, for me but would be very bad because it will crush her little, fragile ego. Ahh, to be young again. No, thank you!

Well, just wanted to share the newest drama around here. And mark the day so I can tease my daughter about it someday. Because someday, this will be funny and a distant memory. For today, I want to grab my little girl and hold her tight while she still lets me.

friday's feast #113 (#7)

Appetizer
What is your favorite herb or spice?
I LOVE all the Pampered Chef spices. And I'm not just saying that because I am a Pampered Chef consultant! I guess my favorite for baking is cinnamon and my favorite for meat is their Southwestern seasoning.

Soup
Name a song you like but haven't heard in a long time.
"Homesick" by Mercy Me. It's really good. Mercy Me is awesome!

Salad
If you were to take just one minute to write down as many things as you can think of that you need (not want) to do, approximately how many things would there be?
Too many to even count. I'm getting overwhelmed and tired just trying to think of the number. That's not good!!

Main Course
Tell something interesting about one of your family members (nothing scandalous, please, just something unique).
My husband won his elementary school's spelling bee and got to go to the city-wide bee. (Okay, so maybe it isn't that interesting but it's the first thing that came to mind).

Dessert
What's the latest you've ever stayed awake?
Latest? I've stayed awake a full 24 hours before - maybe more. Once you are awake that long, details are really hard to remember. Oh, and I don't recommend it. It takes days for your body to catch up!

To learn more about Friday's Feast, click here.
To get the questions and participate, click here.

tuesday treasure

i don't usually do this meme
because I can't find the time to
take a picture and post it

but if you click here
you'll see a picture
of my newest demdaco
willow tree angel

i love it
and therefore
it's my tuesday treasure

happy tuesday
everyone!

first last now

Here's a meme I found called First Last Now. Thought it was kinda interesting, so here goes...

First

• First job: Babysitting. My first real job was a cashier/bagger at IGA (a grocery store).
  


• First screen name: elal99. Part of my middle name, part of my daughter's middle name. Give me a break - it was my 25th try! All my other choices were taken.
  


• First funeral: Not real sure but I think it was my godmother's mom. First time I saw my godmother cry. This strong, independent woman crumbled at the sight of her mom in a casket. Very hard to see.
  


• First pet: Hmm...probably fish. But those were more my mom's. My first pet was a hamster named Powder Puff.
  


• First piercing: Ears when I was really young. My mom and my godmother did it with ice, a needle and a raw potato.
  


• First tattoo: Don't have any.
  


• First credit card: My first semester of college. BAD idea!
  


• First kiss: I honestly don't remember. My childhood memories are very hard to remember for some reason.
  


• First enemy: I was friends with everyone but for some reason, there was one girl who could get under my skin like no other. Her name was Erin. We fought like cats and dogs for years until we went to different schools in 7th grade.
  

Last

• Last car ride: Yesterday, coming home from lunch at my in-laws after church.
  


• Last kiss: This morning, when I kissed my daughter's head as she left for school.
  


• Last movie watched: This weekend, watch The Wedding Crashers. Not really my kind of movie...
  


• Last beverage drank: Last night, Peach Propel that my future sister-in-law brought me. She's cool like that. : )
  


• Last food consumed: A few minutes ago, goldfish with my son. We love them!
  


• Last phone call: About an hour ago, my husband called to check on me.
  


• Last time showered: Saturday morning...I know, I know...I'm headed there now!
  


• Last CD played: About a week ago, a mix of praise songs I made.
  


• Last website visited: www.thedailymeme.com, where I found this meme.
  

Now

• Single or taken: Definitely taken!
  


• Gender: What, like this changes? Okay, maybe for some special people. Not for me!
  


• Birthday: mid-March. Yes, I know. I'm just shy about posting all my business out there for the world.
  


• Sign: Pisces
  


• Siblings: None. However, I do have a super-cool brother-in-law and next year, I get an awesome sister-in-law too!
  


• Hair color: Light brown. And no, those aren't gray hairs that you see!
  


• Eye color: Hazel. A catch-all for brownish-green or greenish-brown, depending on the day, weather, what I'm wearing, etc.
  


• Shoe size: 8 1/2.


• Height: 5 foot 4 1/2 inches. The shortest one in the family (besides my kids). The joke is I am a dime among nickels. I'll post the Reader's Digest story that prompted that joke sometime.
  


• Wearing: Jeans, long sleeve orange shirt, socks, my glasses. (And underclothes too, but that would be too much info!)
  


• Drinking: nothing.
  


• Thinking about: Baseball, because my son just had me draw a home plate for the third time today.
  


• Listening to: Jonah movie that we just started watching. Oh, and the timer just beeped saying lunch is ready!

If you would like to join in, click here for the link to get the code. Leave me a comment so I can come over and see what you are up to! : )

friday's feast #112 (#6)

Appetizer
Measured in minutes or hours, how much exercise have you had in the last week?
Not much. Maybe an hour of walking between the soccer game and everyday living. Weird week though.

Soup
If you had to change your blog title to something else, what would it be?
Bathed in His Grace.

Salad
Name one television show you watched when you were 9-12 years old.
Little House on the Prairie.

Main Course
If someone gave you $50 to spend with the one condition that it had to be educational, what would you purchase?
A class to teach me American Sign Language.

Dessert
Do you tend to prefer dark colors, neutral shades, or lighter/pastel hues?
Dark colors. Blues and purples.

Sorry answers are so short. Still don't feel very good but wanted to participate. :)

To learn more about Friday's Feast, click here.
To get the questions and participate, click here.

doing okay

home
moving slow
but doing okay

should be
back up and running
in a few days

thanks for the prayers

just one more...

okay...just one more post today
mainly because i want to record
this very moment
for the future
when my hands are thrown in the air
because i don't understand his teenage brain

sitting side by side
in the recliner
eating goldfish
out of the blue
he says to me
"you know sumting.."
"what, bud?"
"you know...i love you"

melt my heart
this is why
it's awesome to be a mommy

big boy bed

this past weekend
my son's crib
was converted to
a big boy bed

the first night
we heard the *thud*
of him falling out of bed
a half dozen times
he didn't wake up once

now a big
curious george pillow
cradles him
and keeps him tucked in

when he was in his crib
this sack of sweetness
used to just wake up and lay there
waiting for mommy to come get him

so now that he's able to get up
and come downstairs
i've come to realize
this happy morning person child
is not at all friendly when he wakes up

who would have guessed?

he woke up from his nap
the other day
i heard his little feet on the stairs
(which was strange
as we were the only two here
and for a second
i couldn't figure out
who was on the steps!)
and his eyes were all puffy and scrunched up
his hair was sticking straight up
only on one side of his head
and he was growling
(really, he was)
and staggering across the kitchen
when i attempted to comfort him
he raised his arm
and waved me off
slapping me on the hand
(unintentionally, of course)

i'm having the hardest time
describing it to you
but i had to really struggle
not to laugh out loud in his face

a small chuckle
exploded from my lips
and he muttered
"not funny mommy
NOT funnn-eee..."

so laughter in check
i waited for him to wake up
and then held him
and kissed that big boy cheek

where has the time gone?

dirty laundry

i was raised
in such a way
that your struggles
were something that you kept inside
not to be aired
as dirty laundry on the line

that isn't a bad way
to handle things
but for someone like me
it is stifling

not that i want you
to see all my dirty laundry
(and there are piles, i assure you)
it has nothing to do with that
it's just that
i have always thought
that sharing the load with each other
especially in the light of Christ's love
is a much better way to go

so since "leaving the nest"
i've tried to surround myself
with godly women
and sympathetic ears

but the hardest part
was learning how to open up
how to share those doubts
and concerns

sometimes
i'm still not very good at it
old habits die hard, they say

and it's funny
because if it's someone else's pain
someone else's suffering
someone else's joy
i can share it
pray it
rejoice in it
with the best of them
that's why i'm the head of our church's
prayer chain

but if it's me
i'm uncomfortable

maybe i'm imposing
perhaps i'm overreacting
most likely it's no big deal
and everybody's too busy anyway

it also doesn't help
that my husband is always fine
nothing ever ruffles his feathers
and other than a cold here and there
(which he can sleep off in a day)
he never gets sick

not me
i wipe so many noses
and rear ends
that i catch everything
coming and going
and what mom has time to sleep something off?
not to mention
the havoc that two pregnancies
did to my body
(can i get an amen here?)

anyway
i've struggled these past few weeks
because i have to have a small procedure
they are calling it a surgery
i refuse

i've had problems
with my urinary tract and bladder
for a while now
and it got worse with my last pregnancy
there is always blood and white blood cells
in my urine
but cultures never indicate an infection

(okay, officially too much information...sorry)

anyway
they've done a scan
found nothing
now my ob/gyn wants
to go in through my belly button
with a camera and
peep things out

no big deal
i've even talked to others
who have had it done
and they survived

but it is freaking me out

i think i'm learning
that i have a major issue
with control

so here's some of my dirty laundry
i hope you don't mind i've shared
i would appreciate your prayers
to calm my nerves until thursday
and please pray that
there are some answers found
on thursday
because i want to feel better

my sweet Jesus,
i place this in your hands
the fear
the anxiety
the unknown
remind me that you know all
and that there are others
that deal with so much more
every single day
be with me and my family
as we weather this together
place your guiding hand
on the doctor
reveal to her the answers
that we seek
heal my body
so that i may be a better
instrument that you can use
thank you for your never-ending
grace and mercy
amen

i'm here, i'm here

september
is always so busy
around here

there's school
of course
and soccer
meetings to attend
bell choir starts up again

to top it off
i went back to work
part time
and that's been hard
although the adult conversation
is a definite plus

my poor blog
has been neglected
and i'm afraid
i've lurked at all 50 blogs
that i read
no comments at all

not that i commented a lot before
but i feel AWFUL lurking
knowing that i wish all
would de-lurk

i'm here y'all
and i'm reading
i hope to get caught up today

and i hope to see you
more regularly
'cuz i miss you guys!

friday's feast #111 (#5)

Appetizer
What was the very last song you listened to?

Not counting the jingles from commericals on Nickelodeon and the Wonder Pets! theme song (and I do not count either, even though they get stuck in my head faster than any wonderful, meaningful song), I would have to say "O Come, Christians, Join to Sing" played by the bell choir last night at practice.


Soup
What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?

Uh...I have NO idea! The only company I have any animosity for is 5/3 bank. And that's just because I'm in banking...I try really hard not to be negative about this stuff normally. I don't know...moving on...

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?

When I was a kid, this was a big, fat 10! And we did it often. Now, maybe it's only an 8 or 9. It isn't that I really enjoy it. I just think it is so important to document life in photographs. I don't have many pictures from my parents childhoods or families and I think it would be neat to have them. With digital photos becoming so popular, I've let the need for professional pictures fade a bit. Still, we haven't had a professional family portrait done in a really long time. I wish we could do that. Time and money. The two evils!! :)

Main Course
Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?

Wow, where do I start? An old, used giftcard, a piece of paper, a pen, my book light, a dog earred page (cringe!), another book, a magazine, the subscription card from a magazine, a dryer sheet. Yes, let me tell you about the dryer sheet...when I was pregnant with my daugher, I LOVED the smell of dryer sheets. I had them everywhere! I don't know if my sense of smell was more sensitive or what, but that was my weird "craving".

Dessert
Name a food that you like that most people don't.

I'm a picky eater so this one may be a little difficult. But, thank the good Lord that they aren't asking for an acronym!!!! Lately, I guess it would be rice cakes. Although my son and daughter both have found they like them, most others around here don't. Or dried apricots. Not many people around here like those either. Good, more for me!!!! :)

To learn more about Friday's Feast, click here.
To get the questions and participate, click here.

long story short

another suggestion
a few days ago
from barb
to tell how you met your husband

i've been working on it
but life is hectic
so i'm a few days behind
but here it is...

i met my husband
when i was 11
but i have very few memories
from that time
only general ones
about the school
and stuff like that

we went to the same high school
and dated our senior year
i broke his heart
and still he was my friend
actually
he was my best friend
that year
we went to prom together
as friends
and hung out during the summer
i just didn't see him
as anything other than
my best friend

and then i left for college

the memories of him
from that point on
get a little muddled

i married someone from college
had a daughter
and went through
some really tough stuff

through it all
i remember
periodic phone calls
to check in and see
where life was taking us

i have snapshots of him
in my memory
from the few times
i saw him over those years

one day
after i was separated
i called him to see how he was doing
long story short
we met for dinner
to catch up
and everything clicked for me

we started hanging out
more and more

during that time
my daughter started a new daycare
and i told him about it
it ended up being the daycare
that was housed in his church
run by his pastor's wife
and he was on the board

one thing led to another
and i ended up joining that church
we were married there

it's a weird and curvy road
that life takes us on
the future is totally unsure
all i know is that God was with me
every step of the way
even when i made bad choices
and even when i blatantly disobeyed

my marriage to my sweetheart
is the one thing in my life
that i am absolutely sure
is right
the peace i feel
when i look at him
sprawled on the couch
watching some game on tv
is the same peace i felt
when our love began to blossom
the same peace i felt
when i stood at the front of that church
and promised always
the same peace i always end up with
even after we argue
God is with us
and He has given me
the best gift in the world
my husband

i remember

all over the blogging world
people are doing things
to commemorate
this 5th anniversary
of 9/11

this is my recollection
of that morning

to read other recollections
go to this blog

here's my story

i don't recall
much of the early morning
of september 11th

my daugher started
kindergarten that year
and i was finally adjusting

i'd been married exactly one month

i had started a new job
back at the bank
the day before

it was my first time back
in a couple of years
but it seemed everything
had changed

also
my best friend
from 10th grade
had been missing for a week
and they found her
the day before
and arrested her husband
(who i also went to school with)
they charged him with murder
(he is currently serving
two consecutive life sentences...
one for my friend
and one for the unborn baby
she was carrying)

anyway
that's another story
entirely

let's just say
i was already struggling
to keep the fog at bay

so a customer comes in
and says that a plane has hit
the world trade center
embarassingly enough
i thought to myself
the what?
i didn't even know what
building they were talking about

we took the nine inch
black and white tv
from the break "closet"
(it was so small
it could hardly be called
a break room)
and put it on the
teller line

this is where i saw
the second plane
hit the second tower
live

i think shock took over
from there
i called my husband
(mr. news was glued to it)
my mom
(she hadn't even heard about it yet)
my daughter's school
(we have not informed the children
and will most likely continue their day as scheduled)
my in-laws
(i think i ended up contacting them via email)
and then i thought about
one of my best friends from high school
who lived in new york at the time
and her fiance
and his family
after wringing my hands
i called her parents
who had just communicated with her
she was walking uptown
to catch up with her fiance
phone service was very spotty
and no internet

so with everyone accounted for
i glued myself to the tv

i don't even remember
the news of the pentagon
or the field in pennslyvania

my next clear memory
is of my whole family
sitting in our apartment
the news keeps streaming video
of people jumping from the towers
you can hear the thud of their bodies
as they hit the ground
i look at my husband
(the news junkie)
and beg him to turn it off

i do remember
the unity of america
during the time that followed
and the baseball games
were suspended
when they played again
it was "god bless america"
and not "take me out to the ballgame"
my daughter asked me last week
why we sing "take me out to the ballgame"
now and not "god bless america"
she doesn't remember what it was like
before 9/11

in august of 2002
i took a trip to visit
that friend in nyc
a whirlwind trip
where she showed me
all the important ny things

almost one year had passed
and they still were clearing
the wreckage at ground zero
the wall across the street
was still plastered with flyers
of missing people and memorials
the skyscrapers that faced
where the towers once stood
were still covered in protective nets
and some windows still covered
with wood

it was eerie
to visit
to place myself
where that nightmare happened
what was even more strange
was walking away
and going shopping
moving on
as if it didn't matter
when in my heart
things were never the same
and i lived very far away
i can't imagine how
all those people somehow
managed to carry on

here are a few photos
i took on that trip
the impact was so huge
it was hard to capture it
in a few pictures...

they put a fence up
around ground zero
and this is a photo
looking out across
the expanse where
the towers used to be
if you look in the center
of the middle chain link
you will see a cross
fashioned out of two steel beams
this is how the building fell
i believe this cross
made the front of a few magazines
right after 9/11


this is the base of the building
adjacent to ground zero
the black thing is the protective net
i was talking about
if you can click on it
to make it bigger
look at the "button" on the wall
it is a clock
and it has stopped
extremely sad to me that day
for some reason

i have more pictures
but really
how many more do we need to see?
the media blasted us
with images that day
and we couldn't tear ourselves away

my heart goes out to the little ones
the generations affected
and they won't even know
what it was like
before that awful day
when the sky fell

i remember

how can i possibly forget?

happy birthday to you

so your birthday
will be over in a few hours
but i wanted to make sure
to get in an extra
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!

hope it was a great day
and your grandson
really liked your presents :)

well, that's all
happy birthday!

dinner

sick
yuck
sniffy noses
scratchy throats

one by one
we are all
getting it

so
since we all feel that way
i invited the whole big family
to our house for dinner

i found this recipe
for sesame chicken
in my new hallmark magazine
i made hamburger stroganoff
for the boys that don't like chicken
and onion roasted potatoes
mom brought broccoli and bread
and my in-laws brought salad
my bro-in-law and his fiancee
(my future sister-in-law!!!!!)
brought drinks
and we PIGGED out
or at least i did
as usual :)

hard to feel sick
with a full belly
oh, okay
that isn't true
but i tried...

friday's feast #110 (#4)

Appetizer
Name 3 things that you are wearing today.

pj tank to. pj shorts. afghan my mom crocheted. i'm sick. sniff.

Soup
Who was the last person you hugged?

my daughter when she left for school this morning.

Salad
What do you like to order from your favorite fast food place?

see, this is my weakness. i love fast food. i'll just admit, i love food. so this answer depends are where i am. i have lots of favorites. penn station = small dagwood, turkey, swiss, lettece, tomato, mayonnaise. when i worked full time, the guy knew me by name when he answered the phone. really. mickey d's = big n tasty value meal with hi-c orange to drink. arby's curly fries are the best! okay, i'm moving on...

Main Course
What time of day do you usually feel most energized?

between 10 and 11 am or after midnight (if i can make it past 10 pm)

Dessert
Using the letters in your first name, write a sentence. (Example: Sweet unusual spaniels are nice.)

you know, i hate these kinds of questions. i'm not very good at them. i just spent 20 minutes trying to come up with one. i just can't do it...did i mention i was sick?

(update: check my comments...my husband bailed me out. how sweet of him!)

To learn more about Friday's Feast, click here.
To get the questions and participate, click here.

thursday thirteen #57 (#3)

Thirteen Things I Overheard in my Life This Week

1. "I do not have a cole." Spoken by my son with a stuffy nose. And by the way, he does have a cold.

2. "I'm raising my grade, Mom." Spoken by my daughter when she brought home "D" number two. Uh, hello?

3. "Yeah, honey, in just a minute..." Spoken by my husband while playing video games. Need I tell you how many hours passed?

4. "It's easy to keep her happy - just give her some garbage." Spoken by various members of my family when I retrieved two old bottles from my husband's grandma's house. 1950's Vat 69 whisky bottle (empty - darn...haha) and an old Moxie cola bottle that is being listed for $19.99 on ebay last I checked. The reason I picked this Thursday Thirteen header.

5. "Hold you mommy." Spoken by my son with arms raised. I used to say to him (and my daughter) "Do you want to walk or do you want me to hold you?" So it's hold you when they want to be held. Melt my heart...

6. "BOOOO...." Spoken by my family when Barry Bonds came to the plate at the baseball game. First time I ever booed anyone (and I still felt a twinge of guilt) but it felt good.

7. "Oh, Mom, do I have to come home? I want to stay." Spoken by my daughter when I went to pick her up from her dad's. This is after she cried her eyes out when she had to go. My heart hurts for her in times like this. Feel like she's paying for my mistakes. Oh Lord, cover her with your mercy.

8. "**ZERBERT**" I've tried to put the sound into words and failed miserably. This was done by the 22 month old I watch. Hilarious!

9. "I love you." Spoken by my friend to me, the day before she died.

10. "I love you." Spoken by my husband, in support of me when dealing with #9.

11. "Life is a highway, I'm gonna ride it all night wong..." Sang by my son, over and over and over and over...

12. "The Crocodile Hunter has died..." From the news.

13. "ZZZZZ...." My husband snoring on the couch as I typed this. Woohoo, it's midnight. Officially Thursday. I can post! Working tomorrow, without internet access. :(

Get the thursday thirteen code here.

See other thursday thirteen participants here.

awesome blessings

i was just going to go to the memorial
and turn the page
because she would want
all of us to move on

but i gotta share
the awesome blessings
that the service brought to me
you are not going to believe this

first of all
i posted an hour and a half
before the service started
and i prayed
that i would be given the thirst
for the word of God
because i haven't been in the word much
i walk into the service
and there are a dozen shriner's women
(i still don't really understand
what they were doing)
they were reading scripture
one after another
almost like they were
bathing me in it
really, i'm not kidding

my eyes were already full
and the tears just brimmed over
see, walking from the car
to the door of the church
the church bell rang
i had a flash of a feeling
of being in the "old days"
and what it must have felt like
to be called to church
by the bell
and i also felt like
the bell was tolling for alma
with each toll
i knew she was with her Jesus
in my heart
something let go

so the service officially starts
after the ladies were finished
and all her grandchildren
and great-grandchildren walk up
to help light the candles
there goes the lady that cuts my hair
and the hair of my kids
she is married to alma's grandson
are you kidding me??
this unborn baby that i have talked about
many, many times with alma
is the very one
that has come closer and closer
to my head during a haircut
as she grew
a small, small world it is

we bow our heads for prayer
all this emotion
is just sitting on my chest
my lips are doing
that twitching thing
as i try to keep it under control
and amen.
the prayer is over
i lift my head and open my eyes
the most beautiful ray of sunshine
streams through the stained glass windows
the windows are really old
and mostly made of yellow glass
so the church took on
a wonderful golden glow
that stayed for most of the service

we sing
not hymns, but praise songs
the last one gets me

"i will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart
i will enter his courts with praise
i will say this is the day that the Lord has made
i will rejoice for he has made me glad"

this could have been her theme song
through all kinds of adversity
this gentle spirit was thankful to God
she was always praising him
happy to have one more day

what an inspiration

i know i'm writing a book here
but wait, it gets so much better

we recite the 23rd psalm
at this point
"my cup runneth over"
could not have been a truer statement

the pastor's scripture
came from john
chaper 14
in particular for me
verses 25-27
"peace i leave with you
my peace i give you.
i do not give to you as the world gives.
do not let your hearts be troubled and
do not be afraid."

her other scripture
was matthew 25:23
which begins
"well done, good and faithful servant!"
which is so very true

there was a chance
to go forward and say something
this is right up my alley
i jump at the opportunity
to do these types of things
but i couldn't manage to
this time
it laid too heavy still
and i was overwhelmed
by the promises Jesus
was revealing
one after another

the first lady to get up there
visited with alma
a few hours before she died
alma kept dozing
all of the sudden
she raised her left arm
and said
"my sweet jesus"
a few minutes later
she raised her arm again
still a few more minutes pass
and she opens her eyes
looks at this lady
says "i just can't describe the beauty
oh, the colors
there are so many"
her daughters come in
two hours later
within ten minutes
she is gone

oh, Lord
thank you for assuring us
that this sweet saint
is safe in your arms
dancing
singing
full of happiness

two members of the church
brother and sister
sing "you raise me up"
and the sister chokes up
at the end
and i lose it again

then some other people
i didn't know
sang one of my all-time favorite songs
that i posted about
a long time ago

again
blessed
and crying

so tonight
i'm still alittle sad
which is normal
but i'm not empty
my special friend
is gone
but not forgotten
even in death
she has been there for me

and my cup runneth over

blog block

i've stared
at this blank post screen
a lot of times
in the past 24 hours

i want to post
i need to post
but i have blog block

i am struggling
emotionally
physically
mentally

i want to be positive
when i post
to encourage
as so many in the bloggy world
do

but i'm telling you
it's not so easy
right now

i know the answer
i knew it when i woke up today
and then i read this
which confirmed it all the more

i'm running on empty
i haven't read the word
(except for the chosen passage
in the sidebar of barb's blog
and i count that because
it has been such a blessing)

so heeellloooo, mcfly?
(back to the future, anyone?)
if that's a blessing
and i'm on empty
what am i doing blogging?

i know there are people
out there who understand
and who will pray
i covet your prayers

tonight
the memorial service
and i feel far away
from the one
who brought us together
as friends
i know she'd understand
and have some magical
encouraging thing to say

but she's gone

sweet Jesus,
open my heart tonight
renew that thirst in me
the one that cannot be quenched
give me strength
give me discipline
and even if i don't understand
give me the peace that passes
all understanding
remind me that you have not left my side
i am the one who walked away
if only for a moment
i need you
i'm sorry that i am coming
only in my time of need
oh, Father
thank you for your grace and mercy

amen.

balm for the heart

a small hug
and a kiss on the cheek
"rest, my friend"
wondering if i would
see her again
turns out
i would not

it has thrown me
for a loop
actually looking forward to
the routines of life
to resume tomorrow
to make things normal again
and occupy my mind

spent the weekend
six hours from here
at my husband's grandma's house
sorting loose change
and encouraging "the boys"
as they put in a new floor
in her bedroom
her really old house
is steeped in history
but it needs some tlc
every once in a while

good time with family
laughing with my son
watching his imagination soar
in the wide open outdoors

the memories made
are a balm
for this momma's hurting heart
today

until we meet again

in memory of my dear friend, alma
who slipped away from us
yesterday evening
to a better place
no suffering, no heartache
she dances with the angels
and doesn't lose her breath
good-bye, dear friend
until we meet again

hold her close, jesus

went to visit my friend
at the hospice place
they are really kind there
but i think if they weren't
it would cause overload
because processing what you see
takes every bit of strength
that you can muster

she's always been a small lady
but she looked so tiny
there in that hospital bed
she said she feels no pain
but the pattern of small grunts
tells me otherwise

a sliver of a white pill
morphine, the nurse says
as she struggled to get it down
swallowing and breathing
are difficult and mandatory
she has oxygen all the time now

surprisingly
she was lucid and alert
telling stories of times past
and hurts healed
but as the morphine
overtook her body
she became lethargic
and repetitive

i held her hand
and tried to ignore
her lack of dentures
and the spots of baldness
i looked deep in her eyes
through the drug-induced cloudiness
and saw that sweet, sweet lady
that has touched my heart

she began to doze
and i knew it was time to go
i hated to leave
because i can't be certain
she'll be here when i come back

hold her close, Jesus
ease her pain
prepare her place
it won't be long

friday feast #109 (#3)

Appetizer
What are some lyrics you have misheard (such as, instead of "Gettin' Jiggy With It" you heard "Kick a chicken with it")?

Garth Brooks...I don't even remember the song right now...but it says "Ireland, I'm coming come" and I always heard "Fire and ice, I'm coming home". I think it's hilarious that this happens. My husband and I have had some big laughs talking about which lyrics we don't get right.

Soup
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?

My husband has a very dry sense of humor and also loves "guy humor". I have watched "Napoleon Dynamite" so many times and it just isn't funny to me. Or "Office Space". I know these have been popular but I just don't get it.

Salad
Using the letters from your favorite number, write a sentence. Example: Tomorrow has really easy experiences.

Okay, my favorite number is two - and I'm drawing a complete blank. I write this after sitting here for five minutes. How about this? The Wait's Over. Wow, that was hard.

Main Course
What was the most interesting news story you have heard this week?

I've been avoiding the news this week because I just can't take it. I could choose the story of a local three year old that was locked in a closet by his foster parents while they went on a trip. He died and they took him to a farm and burned his body. They were ratted out by the couple's live-in girlfriend. Sick stuff. Or I could choose the story about the plane in Lexington, KY that took off on the wrong runway and killed all the people except one. Both stories haunt me. I hate the news.

Dessert
Which word(s) would you choose to describe your wardrobe?

Pathetically lacking. I have never had any sense of fashion and I really don't like to go shopping for clothes. I'm never the same size in every store and that frustrates me. I tend to stick with what I have until it falls apart. I would love to lose some weight so I can buy from the racks and racks of "skinny" clothes at thrift stores instead of my lonely one rack that never has anything good on it.

To learn more about Friday's Feast, click here.
To get the questions and participate, click here.

thursday thirteen #2

13 Things I Am Thankful For Today

1. My husband went to the "Meet the Teacher" night with me today. Thankful because I never remember all the things they say at these kinds of events. And he has a steel trap for a mind.

2. My daughter won her soccer game. Thankful because she has been trying so hard for a lot of years to be good at soccer. It's all coming together this year and that is neat to watch.

3. My friendship with a dear friend who was admitted to hospice last night. Thankful because I am more aware of how much I took her sweet spirit for granted now that the time is short.

4. I did the dishes yesterday. Thankful I don't have to do them today. (Hey, it's the little things, ya know?)

5. My mom and mother-in-law. Thankful they both helped with the kids today. Where would I be without them?

6. My new blog template. Thankful that I am washed in peace when I look at the picture and the colors.

7. My job. Thankful that when I needed extra hours, they were happy about it and gave them to me.

8. My son. Thankful that he can make me laugh, even when I'm exhausted.

9. My father-in-law. Thankful that he helped cook the dinner that fed me today.

10. This bloggy community. Thankful for the encouragement and love that is passed from one to the other, even when we are busy and have to hit "mark all read".

11. I finished the laundry yesterday. Thankful I don't have to do it today. (see #4)

12. My little office in the basement. Thankful that I have a quiet place to go to play on the computer or write.

13. This is #13. Thankful I can now tear myself away from the computer and GO TO BED!

I'm so tired, I can't even put the linky thing in today...Maybe next time. Good night, y'all!!

last time...really!

yes
i did it again
i changed my template

can you tell
i am horrible
at making decisions?

but this time
i absolutely love it
it is so me

i'm really tired
and i still want to do
my thursday thirteen
even if it is technically friday
i'll post tomorrow
i promise