halloween

trip to grandma's house
and visits with family

don't fret over the loud booms
boys will be boys

the monkey was back today
freshly loved
and tired

carson palmer
and the kimono prima donna
turned 3d glow in the dark skeleton
will trick or treat tonight

i hope palmer doesn't get too scared

continued healing
raspy voice
restore him, o Lord

today is the beginning
of a whirlwind
hang on tight
kiss on the run
love you sweetheart

timer beeps
potatoes to be mashed
can't be late for free candy

happy halloween

safe flight

another safe flight
under his belt

wook, mommy, wook! airpwane!

a few moments to myself
peaceful

all is right
my family is back together
thank you, jesus

good night

trip to the mall
so much has changed
except the cluster of girls
they just wear different
styles now

five stars
two days to go

flight home tomorrow
be safe
prayers
lots of prayers

good night

boys

sports
power rangers
cars that go vroom!

interesting to watch
these boys and
see how their minds tick

more disagreements
2 is too young to
understand
but old enough to
argue about it

glad there is still a nap time

alone today

all alone today
strange
have I forgotten something?

hospital visit
less pain
restless
always questions about loved ones

five stars
two down, three to go

haircut today
shorter than I thought
look like my mother

can't wait for the day after tomorrow

time goes by

ringmaster of the three ring circus
again today
the lion slept in
the tiger had a belly ache
and the monkey made loud noises all day

pretty calm
compared to usual

all five stars today
for miss talker
one day down and four to go

would you be my new friend?
someone asked today
she lit up with a huge grin
and said sure
knowing she might just have been saved

the plane trip was uneventful
except for the new lines on his face
he hates to fly
and he'll do it again in three weeks

the house is quiet
no espn or history channel
kids are sleeping
the clock ticks on the wall

the time still goes by
way too slow
one day down
three to go

tennis match

hosital visit today
and an empty open house

the stress pounded on my head
like the beat of a drum
from a song my son would love

funny how the drum plays
through to the jiggle of my leg
my mother-in-law noticed today

he looked so small
lying in the hospital bed
resignation and frustration
played a tennis match on his face
back and forth
his expression changed

and the constant is always pain

i feel helpless
what can i do?
just keep visiting, he says
what a lonely place that is

all my chickies back under one roof
a feeling of peace
worry for the one leaving tomorrow
the days stretch on when we aren't together

thankful for family
and time spent with them today
no fog
just fatigue
no rest for the weary

restore me, O God
"renew a right spirit within me"
guide me
use me
calm me

encouragement

"lay down your burden; i will carry you. i will carry you, my child, my child...i'm weary watching as you struggle on your own; call my name, i'll come..."
-Amy Grant "I Will Carry You"

past vs. present

time spent with my little carson palmer
and my kimono wearing prima donna

exhausted but the fog is gone
noise from the yapper and the singer
have chased it away

should be visiting at the hospital
tending to a double ear infection
and halloween costumes instead

the pull between my past and my present
continues

i thought the time was gone
to have to justify the paternal side of my family
but it continues

explaining is difficult
innate, gut feelings
sadness and gladness
mad and happy

what will the outcome be?

put up a fight
even in my absence
push through the induced fog

physically heal
and maybe both of us will find
the emotional puzzle piece
that's missing

surgery #3

another setback
another surgery
how many will it take?
how many can he stand?

my spirit is low
the fog threatens
i can feel the mist
unfocused

emotional support
it drains the soul
where is my resevoir?
jesus

jesus
calm, peace
jesus
restore my spirit

fill me with your mercy
deliver your grace
heal his body
make him whole

he needs you
jesus
i need you
let us find rest in you

picture day

say cheese
snap
another year
frozen in time

new haircut
pretty smile
no glasses this time

the years roll by
a little more like me
a lot less like me
all at the same time

hang on tight
the yo-yo string
you'll go far
just hang on

connections

the blur of generations
created by the divine power
confuses me

suffering causes such grief
to watch is difficult
empathy is impossible

the relationship too shallow
smiles are hard to find
i can't read your eyes

her personality is too big
keeping me inside
i long to convey my thoughts

you heard me
i saw it in your raised brow
talk to me again
voice of the past

the dark night

why can't she understand
the danger that lurks out there?

why won't she listen
when it comes to learning?

what will it take
for the dawn of understanding?

hopefully the dark night will pass quickly.

was i like this too?

peek a boo

the fog is thick
i will myself through it

the joy is immense
a child's tongue sticking out
standing in a bucket

peek a boo
i see you