friday's feast #141 (#13)

Appetizer
How fast can you type?

I don't know the number but I have been known to type fast. :)

Soup
What is your favorite online game?

I don't play online games much anymore. I used to. Now my online time is spent reading blogs. Imagine that!

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 as highest), how intelligent do you think you are?

Wow. What kind of question is that? I don't know. Intelligent enough for this leg of my life journey, I guess.

Main Course
Name three of your best teachers from your school years.

I've been blessed with many good teachers over the years. If I had to pick only three, they would be:
1 - Mrs. Goodwin. She was my 6th and 8th grade social studies teacher. She introduced me to the interesting side of history, but more than that, she taught me boundaries. She also made sure every one of her students knew that she cared what happened to them. A lot of the kids didn't know that someone cared before then.
2 - Mrs. Flynn. She was my French teacher for a couple years in elementary school and then when I went to high school, she was there. She was my French teacher all four years of high school. I thought she was really cool. I wish I could find her to tell her thank you for helping me understand that the world goes beyond just our city or our state.
3 - Mrs. Bolin. She was my 4th and 5th grade Language Arts teacher. She also was fluent in French. We went to her house once for an overnight. She is the first teacher I had that I realized she was a "real" person with a life outside of school. Interesting.

Dessert
What are your plans for this upcoming weekend?

My husband seems to think we are landscaping the yard. That would make it look nicer but I dread yard work. I feel like it's such hard work for such little gain. I mean you work so hard and those pesky weeds come back. But I digress...We have my daughter this weekend so maybe we can do something fun with her. I also hope to have our usual "date night" on Saturday night with my husband. Sunday I am going bridesmaid dress shopping with my soon-to-be sister-in-law.

keys

My dad's childhood was pretty much a mystery to me, as was much of his life, and when he died, it was like I was handed a key to the first of many doors. Right after he died, I opened each door and quickly ran to the next one, beating on it until I could get it open. With patience, you can find a key that will unlock the next door. But I had wanted to know for so long, there was no patience left. So, I burst through as many doors as I could and figured the rest would just be left locked. Forever locked.

Then, for those of you who have been reading here a while, you know my father's last known living relative, his brother, called about a year or so ago and was in the hospital. Through the cryptic blog entries, you may have deciphered that I visited him often. The first day I went to see him, the first time I'd seen him since I was a really little girl, the tone of his skin brought tears to my eyes. You see, my dad and his brother were half American and half Chinese. There is no easy way to describe their skin color, but it is unique. And the last time I had seen that skin color was the last day I saw my father alive, shortly after he was released from the hospital to go home. He died before I saw him again. And to walk into another hospital and see that same skin color, well, it shook me to the core. I vowed to unlock more doors.

I've learned a lot from these two men. These two men who didn't speak the last years of my father's life. Both having lived through things children shouldn't have to and yet they chose such different ways to cope and adjust. Well, in some ways, they just didn't adjust. But that's a story for a different day. My father taught me that no matter what adversity you face, you can still be successful. But he also taught me to treasure my children - sadly, because I don't think he did. I don't think he could. My uncle has taught me to pay attention to the details of life because sometimes the details are what matter. This is funny to me because he is the most untidy man I have ever met - well, besides my father. My uncle is also the one who taught me the things I needed to find the next key.

Like the time right after my father died, once you find one key, sometimes a bunch of doors open in a row. And boy, has that been happening for me in the last few weeks. Unfortunately (and as I expected), there is so much sorrow in the stories I have learned. Such suffering and pain. I am understanding things I never have before but processing it all, well, it's just tough. I know these people don't really have anything to do with me, but they do. The puzzle pieces are falling into place and it's just this most horrible picture. My heart hurts for these people. For the circumstances and unfulfilled dreams, for the loneliness and dark clouds, for the anguish and unknown. And for the children. The poor children.

Someday I will go into all of it. Once I've been able to process things more and they don't weigh so heavy on my heart. But for today, I wanted you to know why I haven't posted. My mind is just too busy.

On a lighter note, I did locate two of my second cousins and they were able to provide me with a picture of my father's mother and his grandmother. My grandmother is the one standing in the white shirt. My great-grandmother is the one sitting in the chair. The other children are my grandmother's siblings.

friday's feast #140 (#12)

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?

I like all kinds of bread. I'm definitely a carbs kinda girl. I guess my favorite would be any in the white family, like French baguettes or croissants or regular white. And it is better warm.

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?

About a month ago. My son got big enough to want a pillow and he stole mine. :)

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?

Way. too. many.

Main Course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?

I have no idea. I know I got some killer ear infections as a child so maybe it was then. ???

Dessert

Fill in the blanks: When I __get angry__, I __clean house___.

cloud hopping again

up he went
this morning
hopping along the clouds

and finally
a message that
he had safely landed

gone for a few days
on business
dinners that cost
as much as
our monthly grocery bill
a swipe
and the company pays

i'm always thrown
a bit off kilter
when he travels
as if my world has shifted

this time
the calendar says
the days are full
of activity

that will make
the time go faster
just praying
God is watching
as they hop the clouds
again

krakatoa

Two posts in one day! Wow, aren't you lucky?

The other post weighed so heavily on me that I felt it needed it's own little space on my blog. Here's the other news in my life...

My daughter asked me this "joke" on Saturday:

Her: What's your favorite volcano?

Me: I don't know. The only volcano I can even think of is Mt. St. Helen's.

Her: You mean it's not Krakatoa (crack-uh-toe-uh)?

And with that, she and my husband lost themselves in laughter.

You see, last week, we installed a closet organizer in our closet. You know, the kind that gives you a double rail so there is more room to hang clothes. The kind that my husband is convinced really doesn't add any space - just rearranges what was there. But so devoted is he, we installed it anyway. :)

On Friday, I was putting the closet doors back on and they have these little wheels that have to be pulled down into the tracks. I lined up the wheels and pulled down on one of the doors. It slipped off the track and I pulled it down on my left big toe. OUCH!!! I had sleeping babies in the house at the time, which was probably good because it prevented me from yelling the words that went through my mind. It turned a nice, nasty shade of purple-black. I took medicine for the pain and it didn't even TOUCH it.

So, last night, I went to urgent care - because, let me tell you, the pain was URGENT. They x-rayed it and it isn't broken. Then, because of the pressure and throbbing, they said they could put a small hole in my toe nail and drain it. GROSS! At that point, I told my husband, they could have suggested cutting my toe off and I would probably have agreed. So they got this battery operated needle thing out (the batteries heat the end of the needle somehow) and BURNED a needle size hole in my toe nail. The smell was DISGUSTING! There was smoke and everything. It really didn't help that the doctor was, shall I say, an absolute tool. My husband could barely keep the giggle off his face. But the minute the hole was there, I did start to feel relief. The relief ended when the doctor PUSHED ON MY TOE to start the drainage process. He had the nerve to say, "Oh, did that hurt?" I'm thinking, NO, I'm here because I was bored and needed something to do!

The real relief came a couple hours later when I took the tylenol 3 with codeine that the doctor prescribed. Ah, the sweet bliss of painfree la-la land. They said it should take about two weeks to heal. My family may be going to school and work wearing dirty clothes and starving by then but at least the end of this pain is in sight!!!

Oh, and just for the record, my least favorite volcano is Krakatoa.

decisions, decisions...

Is it possible that it's been over two weeks since I posted? I guess so. I kept trying to post but the things that were going on were difficult to process for me, and while I usually can write my way through things, I just couldn't this time. Rereading that makes it sound like somebody died or something! Thank goodness, it wasn't that bad!

Like I've said before, I've been working two days a week at the bank where I've been employed for years. I was full time until a few years ago when we were blessed enough for me to stay home with the kids. I've enjoyed being back a few days a week. It's been like having the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my son (and the little boy I've watched since he was teeny tiny who feels like my own) and I get to stimulate my brain with big people conversations.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, they approached me at the bank to offer me a full time job. It was really, really tempting. My brain spent the better part of a weekend working overtime. What was best for the kids? What was best for me? What was best for our family? Would the job be too stressful? Would I be overwhelmed? I know that it is such a luxury for me to even be able to consider these questions. I've been in the situation in the past where there was not a chance to question this stuff - I just had to work. Somehow, that made it even more difficult for me.

In the end, I was leaning towards accepting the position but the child care issue couldn't be resolved to my satisfaction until school was out. They couldn't wait that long to fill the position. So, I am taking that as my sign that God has other plans for me, plans that include being with my son for now. It's amazing how many cute things he did on "Decision Weekend" that made me wonder why I was even considering it at all. Little things that I normally take for granted. Little things that won't stay little for much longer.

I don't think I've ever told my husband how much I appreciate his willingness to support our family. I don't know that he understands how much it means to me to be able to see that little face in the morning and know I have all day to soak it in. Or that I am able to be here when my daughter arrives home from school - to hear the non-stop chatter of the first time she got to sit next to her boyfriend and all the other earth-shattering news of fifth grade. Thank you, dear husband, for letting me be the mom God intended me to be. You have blessed me more than you know.