November 3, 2006

flip flop

I got a call from my daughter's father yesterday and he informed me that he has to go out of town next weekend. That is supposed to be my daughter's weekend with him (we do every other weekend). So, I bit my tongue (but you know I wanted to say that his daughter never seems to be a priority and she's going to be so upset - those are the milder things that came to mind...but things happen and again I'll give him the benefit of the doubt...) and started the process of switching weekends around so it's fair. What's fair when you are talking about sharing time with your child? Not one thing. But it has been years now and I've learned to just get a little numb about it. You know, like it's scheduling a doctor's or dentist appointment, not scheduling time away from my daughter. I don't know if it's healthy but it helps. Anyway, we got it all worked out...the schedule pretty much flipped completely because there's the whole holiday thing coming up soon. I went to tell my daughter about it and she wasn't happy at all. Bless her little heart - she tried so hard to be obedient about it. I could just tell by her face that she wasn't at all pleased. I gave her the option to talk about it and she complained that she was looking forward to being here this weekend. I can't say that I blame her. I know I'm biased but I try to put myself in her shoes. I mean, would you like someone to tell you that every other weekend you have to go away for three days? Okay, yes, sometimes I would, but that's beside the point. :) We're talking control here. We're talking being ten and wanting to be with your friends. We're talking trying to fit into two very different families. My heart aches that she goes through this. And I don't know how to handle it. I'm trying my best. But what if my best isn't good enough? (Isn't that a song?)

I told her that she could call her dad and talk to him about it. I was trying to make her feel more in control. Instead, I felt like I was lining her up with the firing squad. I said a quick prayer that he would listen to her and not be angry with her. I guess he did because he said she could stay this weekend. I have no idea if the other plans we made still stand but I don't think I'm going to worry about that for today. Sometimes I wish the next eight years will go faster so I can stop dealing with this. Then I am immediately overcome with guilt because that is wishing away my precious daughter's childhood. And that's not what I want to do. I just wish there was a magic button or secret formula that I could use to prevent her from being hurt. I guess we all feel that way about our children. I just feel it all the time with this one. Especially now that those hormones have decided they want to host their party at my daughter's. But that's a whole different topic.

Ugh...what a headache!

1 rays through the fog:

Barb said...

I have always been thankful that in spite of a failed marriage in my past, I never had to deal with this. I feel bad for you AND your daughter. It must be very difficult for both of you.

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