fog

twice in one day
overload

i don't like it when i am
on the edge of the fog
one foot in
one foot out
moments of clarity
but mostly
swimming through a mist
unsure if the ground is level

but still going forward
is better than studying
the fog behind

sometimes i wonder why
i examine the words said to me
with such scrutiny
yet other words fall on deaf ears
is it me
or this fog
or the dysfunction of the day?

of course it couldn't possibly be
the person saying the words
not in my whole life
has it been allowed to be that

frustrating...

dig deep, dig deep
the answers are in there

surprise!

why don't i post more often?
with this circus that runs around
and around me
coming or going
not quite sure

is the circus around and around
me
or is it all in my head?

spent the weekend
making our home
clean and orderly
somehow it clears the fog
that has become a constant

at the school conference
a few weeks ago
my own behaviors
transposed to an unknowing
little woman-child
hard not to feel attacked
and don't you think
it's almost cruel to try to fix
something in someone else
that has been so
deeply rooted in yourself
and what is that something?
i plead ignorance
and pretend the behaviors
don't exist in me

took an elevator
up high in the sky
and then climbed
lots of metal steps-
the kind that thump
with every step-
to look out on the world
my camera clicker
took almost all 24 pictures
of the disposable camera
and the sports fan marveled
at the baseball AND football
all at once
i wondered at how the cars looked
just like the ones at home
on the family rooom rug
lined up in a row
the wind blew hard and
it was "too bright" as the
nice old man took our picture
there - up above the world
how orderly it seems from afar

more and more for sale signs
less and less sold signs
we still wait

who would have guessed
a hometown boy could capture
a nation with his dancing
you should see the 2 year old
version
run, kick, run back, hop
run halfway and pose
hilarious

oh and my big little brother
got another whole year older
recently
strange to remember his little
boy face and round glasses
funny the way life twists and turns
funny the things you remember

singing in front of these people
easily three times my age
felt a little sad
that this is entertainment
the cd skipped
i kept singing
and still they were so grateful
wonderful to see both old
and young
light up with interest at the
sight of each other

spent a few days
at my old post
strange how daily routines
change and are forgotten
and how people change
or don't change
it's the small things that add up
and become monumental

read book nine - the final one
in my second favorite series
could it really be over?
you know a book is good
when you start thinking
of the characters as people
you have known
sometime in your life
she's that good
jan karon
check it out

the tiger is waddling like a penguin
the lion is waddling like a penguin
(to imitate the tiger, of course)
but the lion is adding his own twist
and wagging his tongue like a dog
what a wonderful life it is
oh and the monkey is awful sleepy today
must be monday

some things never change...