remember me?

Well, hello there! Long time, no posting. You know me. The writing vibe - it comes and it goes....

So, a little catch up...

Merry Christmas!

Decorating the tree. Notice the super cool fort in the background. :)

Happy New Year!

Our family tradition is to go to a movie on New Year's Eve.

Ryan lost his tooth. And another one since then.

Great pic, I know. This was my third try!

We've spent the first half of January trying to get back into the swing of things. It's been a little rough. But finally, if you don't count that I forgot to give Little Man breakfast this morning, everything is back on track. Ready or not!

Hopefully I'll be around more often...the key word being hopefully. I pray all is well with you and your family. Take care!

By the way, Happy Birthday to my godmother...she's been gone almost 18 years but she'll never be forgotten...

the jerk and mr. potter

excuse me

if this ends up sounding

a little incoherent

but i spent most of last night

in a movie theater

with fans way more dedicated

than myself

whose bright idea was it

to premiere a movie

at midnight

even with all the hoopla

i saw at least two people sleeping

that's an expensive nap

so what was i doing there?

baby girl and her step sister

really really wanted to go

and while i usually say no

to wild adventures in the night

i couldn't think of a good enough reason

to say no

so off we went

in the middle of the night

to see mr. potter

and his friends

on their latest adventure

i think they thanked me

a couple hundred times

they sure enjoyed themselves

even though the events of the movie

devastated one of them

luckily i ordered the tickets online

because when we got there

all 14 theaters showing mr. potter

were sold out

arriving a little over an hour early

and finding a seat was still difficult

the girls ended up sitting two rows back

together

and i took the single spot

next to a handicap slot

knowing i'd give it up should someone need it

you get to do a lot of people watching

when you have little else to do

for an hour

and there were interesting people galore

there was a man there with his two children

the kids were maybe 8 and 11

a boy and a girl

well this man confronted these two young guys

that were sitting in my handicap row

in two of the seats

he told them he thought they shouldn't be sitting there

the one young guy tried to explain

and was real respectful, calling the other guy sir

but the man got all up in the guy's face

and was yelling at him

mind you, his two children are watching all of this

the young guy wasn't able to tell his side of the story

although he sure tried

and the man finally backed down

and went back to his seat by his children

about this time

a young girl comes in with a couple friends and her mom

she's maybe a senior in high school

and she's trying to find a seat

the man bullies a few other young guys

about the empty seats next to them

and tells the girl she can sit there with her group

the girl gushes all over the place

and thanks him

i'm silently repulsed

the man proceeds to buy this girl a Coke

when he goes to buy $20 worth of candy for his kids

and won't take the money she tries to pay him back

i'm wondering why in the world

the girl's mom is allowing this to go on

again, this man's children are watching every move

and he was creepy

i caught him staring at the girl

at least a half dozen times

creepy, i tell you

but harmless with so many people around

thank goodness

i just silently observe

so the movie is getting ready to start

and the young guys in the handicap row with me

realize there is one empty seat

behind them

so the guy who was confronted

tells them to save the seat for him

and takes off out of the theater

after a little while

he returns

with two of his friends

one of them is in a wheelchair

and even as they roll over my toe

getting this guy to the spot two seats down from me

i was so excited

that this young guy got the last word

and he didn't have to say anything at all

13

somehow

all those years ago

sitting in the lawyer's office

it never crossed my mind

that her birthday was in the summer

when he was given summer custody

and while the list of negatives

is longer than my arm

i would have to say

that by far the worst

is trying to make things fair

and make her happy

on her birthday

because i'm the one who birthed her

and i miss spending time with her

on her birthday

go figure

the past few years

have been better

than the ones before

but sharing is rough

and to be honest

i'm not very good at it

this year

we had all weekend

and although her birthday

is tomorrow

i was blessed to have two whole days

to soak up the last of twelve

and stare thirteen in the face

a steak

cake

banners

balloons

confetti (!!)

a new phone

tickets to a water park

and a basket of "girl stuff"

(as the six year old boy said)

not to mention a surprise gift card

and another one slips by

outside the window

darkness

each explosion

lights the silhouettes

i peek out

checking on children

watching grown men

act like little boys

i only count one child

and begin to panic

looking for child

number two

an explosion in the sky

and then a sparkler

illuminates her eyes

and her long legs

and once again

i realize

she is no longer a child

although my heart says she is

happy 4th

note to self...

...when your son asks for lego sets for his birthday, he'll rope you into building them.  Which sounds fun at first, but after three hours and fifteen minutes - not so much.  Your neck muscles will scream at you the rest of the day, but it will be so worth it to see him flying a starship through the air and escaping the bad guys in an old Russian car.

...toll booth operators are a funny lot.  Some sing to themselves, or rather, to you.  Some don't even say hi.  Some wear gloves (nasty money!) and some are very friendly.  Others not so much.  It was interesting (especially the very LOUD singer...)

...preteens' feet stink.  Especially in a closed in, air-conditioned van.  For hours.  That's all I have to say about that.

...now that the sixth birthday is over, take this time to prepare for the next one...thirteen!  Here we go.......(I'm SO not ready for this!)

now that's me...

i have this picture
it's cut from the newspaper
a comic strip really
by a local guy

it's a guy and his mom
sitting facing each other
and both of them
are saying the same thing

i can see you and
i can hear you
yet i cannot comprehend
anything that you say or do

that pretty much sums up
the way things are with
my daughter these days

it would be easier
i think
if she was just spiteful
all the time

but instead
glimpses of that sweet girl
peek through
when i least expect it

and i mourn the loss
of my little girl
again

i remember being
12
it wasn't all that fun
and it was hard

and i'm sure
i took it out on my mom
because she couldn't possibly
know how i was feeling

and now that's me
the one who doesn't know
who can't understand
yet i do

and it's also me
that is supposed to
encourage yet discourage
guide yet allow independence
be open yet closed
set rules yet compromise

and pray

pray hard.

month in pictures

Yes, I know it's been more than a month since I've posted. The words just didn't flow for me there for a while...and now they are so stacked on top of each other that I can't figure out just what to post! I'll start off with some pictures while I figure it out...

Can you tell me who this is? (Anna, you can't guess because you used your photography skills taking the picture!) I went to a Christian Women's Conference and met this lady. Here's a hint: She writes some AWESOME books...
**edited to add: It's Karen Kingsbury.

Baby Girl got the distinct pleasure of cleaning all the seeds and goop out of the pumpkin.

This is Dr. Little Man, our emergency room doctor. Oh, and that's a shaker he made in class. Nothing like a doctor who can keep the beat! :)

This is the picture out my back door. It's actually my neighbor's yard. I love Fall.

the good years

busy week
adjusting
to another little one
three months old

whew
i forgot
how much babies need
but oh, how cute

she'll be spending
the first three days
of the week with me
and half of thursday

so far so good
the boys are in love
and want her to play
unsure why she can't

she was cooing
(oh what a sound!)
and i said she was talking
monkey man wanted to know
why he couldn't understand her
if she was talking and all

very logical
these boys are
and trying to explain
well, it was beyond me

so that's what's going on
around here
little poochy cheeks to kiss
boys that are growing so fast
seventh grade missing assignments
soccer games and cross country practice

and one tired mommy

but these
yes
these are the good years

irony

little man
went back to school
today
finally

and he was not happy

neither was baby girl
when she went back
a few days ago

she decided
she wanted to protest
electricity
after it came back on

she organized this protest
in her mind
as she had her hair straightened
by her friend
using an outside plug

she lives in a world of irony
that girl does

but the drama
of the power outage
now drifts into history
at least around here

now it's full steam ahead
into autumn
the leaves that clung so tight
will now freely fall

again
the irony...

last tween year

i remember
the awkwardness
of twelve

being big
but little

having my opinions
but not being heard

wanting to play with dolls
but feeling dumb for doing it

my body changing
but not making sense to me

hating the peer pressure
but not knowing how to say no

wanting to be respectful
but my mouth having other ideas

putting outfits together
but not knowing if they really match

playing with makeup
but seeing a clown in the mirror

wanting a best friend
but never knowing who i could trust

trying to be confident
but second guessing my every move

the list goes on and on
and some of them are still true

but mostly
God and i worked it all out

i'm excited to see
how God works it all out for you

my baby girl

happy number twelve

braces

a trip to the orthodontist
in preparation for the big day
little rubber bands
jammed between her molars

today her mouth hurts
as the teeth protest the move
and a diet of jello and pudding
is quickly growing old

two weeks and counting
until the big day of braces
she is actually excited
in that unknown kind of way

i took a moment
to look at her smile
being with her dad for the summer
i don't see it much

(well, i don't see it much
anyway
she is almost twelve
after all)

i watched those big teeth
in her small mouth
and thought back to a time
when her teeth were small too

she'll be twelve on sunday
it's so hard for me to believe
she's almost as tall as i am
but in her mind, she's much taller

every year
as the birthdays pass
i wonder just where the time has gone
and how they got to be so big

so yes
she is excited about her braces
i'm sure the novelty will wear off
way too quickly

but for me
those braces symbolize
yet another step forward
another step in growing up

and i wonder just where oh where
my little baby girl has gone
but i look forward to watching
her blossom into a young woman of God

pretty smile and all

snow day

they warned us that it was coming
and it did
the roads were nice and icy
this am
and the magic words for baby girl
no school today

it's already turning to slush
but so cold
it's still all over the ground

build a snowman, mommy?
confusion as I tried to explain
the snow won't stick together

two blue jays
and two cardinals
with their mates
fly around today
as yesterday
to hang out with us

how beautiful
against the snowy background
vibrant

and thankfully
a reminder
that spring is coming

a day in the life

at school
pj day and pancakes
a new dress-up play area
i want to be doctor first

baseball pjs and a doctor coat
silly for a doctor
to come to work in his pjs
he laughed

an afternoon with grandma
called to hear his voice
asked if he had fun at school
you betcha, he replied

got wind of drama
but luckily it blew right passed
my whirlwind of drama
although it was precariously close

a cell phone at fault
and mean words exchanged by text message
forwarded from one to another
until it came full circle

sixth grade is too young
to have a cell phone
liabilities far greater than benefits
my opinion only

work seems crazy
for my better half
do i ask lots of questions
or leave it alone?

sometimes leaving it at the door
and finding rest at home
is better than talking about it
again

but how can we understand each other
if we aren't on the same page?
a constant struggle for me
between too much and too little

the fog stays at bay
i try to remind myself
not to go looking for it
and by doing so,

life is good

games

slamming the door
behind her
this morning
i bid her goodbye

i am the bad guy
these days
and it stinks

she treats people
especially me
like dirt
and is just downright
nasty

i knew these days
would come
it's inevitable

but if one more person
tells me to just wait
because it gets worse
i think i will scream at them

nothing like the
enlightenment of future horror
to encourage someone
today

i'm at wit's end
i've tried being nice
i've tried being mean
i've tried grounding
i've tried ignoring it
i've tried laying down the rules
i've tried bargaining

you know
the crazy thing for me
is that she builds this wall
but so deperately wants me
to tear it down

i know her
better than she thinks i do
and i see right through
all these little games

and that's what makes me
so daggone mad
why waste such precious time
on stupid games?

roll the dice
press your luck
two spaces forward
go back to start
pass payday
but pay it all
on your next turn

i never was a big fan of games

updates

In the past two and a half weeks, A LOT has happened around here. Here is the list - and I promise to post more details soon.

*My roommate's test was negative! The baby does not have spina bifida. But there are a few other things they need to look at so continued prayers would be appreciated.

*WE SOLD OUR OTHER HOUSE! We moved into our new house TWO years ago and finally...finally our old house sold. What a relief!

*We had a pirate and Spiderella (think Cinderella meets spider webs galore) for Halloween. I'll post pictures soon.

*I've traveled around the world. Well, not really. But I did take a trip to Texas with my husband. And it felt like I'd been around the world by the time I got home. I'll post about this too. Soon.

*Friendship drama with my daughter. Enough said. For now. Makes me tired just thinking about it!

*My hubby had a birthday! We'll be the same age for a few months and then I turn another corner.

*They had Father's Night at my son's school. That was really cool for them. Well, except for the little girl who puked as the evening was ending. My son asked why they put oatmeal on the floor. Gross!

I'm sure I'm forgetting something but these are the things that come to mind for now. I'll be back soon with all the juicy details. :)

can i use the phone?

Can someone please tell me the appeal of the telephone to an eleven year old girl? I'm just sayin'...

If she asks to use the phone one more time (three separate times in the last ten minutes!), I think I might just yank all the wires out of the wall and throw the phone in the front yard. And you tell me this gets worse? I just don't remember this about my tween/teen years at all. Anyone with any suggestions?

No answer to the latest friend she tried to call. As she walks away, she grumbled.

"Man, no one to talk to at ALL."

I replied, "I'm right here."

"Oh." (As if it never even crossed her mind - and it probably didn't.)

And that's when we spend thirty minutes discussing the politics of sixth grade girls. Whew. Lucky me. :)

concert

watching you
watching her
brought back memories
of being a tween

although in those days
there was no such thing
as a tween
thirteen was the magic number

running to your seat
because, come on mom
she's singing
and we have to see her

i remembered the urgency
to be a part of something bigger
to connect with celebrity
being taken away with music

you screamed your little head off
through the retainer
showing your love
for someone unknown

i caught a glimpse
of who you really are
an opening in the recent
tightly shut door

there were tears on your face
when you realized the line
was far too long
the opportunity suspended

it broke my heart
to see the unabashed yearning
to want to meet
the untouchable

then you wiped your tears
and the little girl disappeared
as you reassured me
that it was okay

but i would not be deterred
fueled by my own tween-hood
intimately knowing
that irrational desire

excuse me sir
please
her ticket is her birthday present
sorry no can do

the indignant look you gave
when another family
was added to the line
led me to try one more time

excuse me sir
this time to the man
who put the last family
in line

please
she's here for her birthday
please sir
isn't there something you can do?

it all happened quickly
she was leaving
he reached out for her elbow
and directed her our way

quickly an autograph
and hi sweetheart
and a kiss on the head
then she was gone

leaving you behind
bawling
baffled i asked what was wrong
i couldn't understand your reply

repeating yourself
you told me
i got to meet her mom
to actually meet her

and for one brief moment
the worlds aligned
and two tweens
got their wish tonight

she did
and so did i

resurfacing...

This is always a busy season for us. For all families, I guess. I can hardly believe that it's been a month since I last posted. I've lurked around and thought about things to post but never made it here. Now, there's so much to write about, I'm overwhelmed. Here's a list of the things that have happened around here in the past 30 days...

*I have a new sister!! My brother-in-law got married a few weeks ago. All four of us were in the wedding. It was beautiful. I'll devote a whole post to it soon - I promise!

*There was a surprise party/reception/open house for my cousin that just got back from serving in Iraq. I got to hug on him and hold that new baby of his. That baby looks just like him! It sure was good to see him. He moved back to the base with wife and baby in tow today. Prayers for them would be appreciated.

*My daughter started 6th grade - and with that, came an amazing obsession with the phone.

*My son started pre-school. He loves it! I'm getting used to the idea. I can't believe he's ready for this. It's only 3 mornings a week but my heart says it's so much more than that.

*Both kids started their soccer seasons. This is my son's first time playing soccer. Those little ones are adorable. And when did my daughter learn to kick like that? I'll post some pictures soon.

*I started attending a Bible study/book study group. I've learned a lot. Most of all, I am enjoying the fellowship with other like-minded Christians. I'll post some of the amazing things happening soon. (Seems like I have a lot to post "soon"!)

*My mother-in-law's work schedule was changed so my work schedule is changing. She was the one to watch my son while I worked two days a week. Now, I'll be home every day except one. On that day, I'll go to my study group and then to work for the afternoon. A blessing for sure but it was chaotic there for a minute!

*The evaluation for our pastor had to be done and since I'm head of that committee at church, guess who had to spearhead that? It was well, um, interesting, and hopefully we are on track now. Kinda stressful for little ole me there for a bit.

*I feel so bad that I just now found out that I was given an award A MONTH AGO! Bev at Scratchin' the Surface so nicely awarded me this Nice Matters Award:
She is so sweet and I always love to see what she's up to. If you haven't had the chance to visit her, stop by! Thanks Bev! It's funny that I got this award because we've taught our kids that Jesus wants us to be nice. And they make sure to remind us when we need it! :)

Whew! I think that catches us up. As you can tell, I have lots to post about but I didn't want to go on and on and on and on in one post. So, I'll be back - and it won't take me a whole month this time!

6th grade

today
when you stretched
as you were waking
the body
that used to be swallowed
in that twin bed
reached from one end
to the other

you sat up
and said
is it time to get up?
is it time for 8th grade?
i mean, 6th grade?

i know you are growing
but i almost fainted
at the prospect of
8th grade
it put 6th grade
in prospective for me

you packed your own bag
fixed your own breakfast
and you picked out
your own clothes (twice)

most surprisingly
you combed your own hair
and put it in a bun

i remember fixing your hair
most mornings
of last year

when you carried your blankie
and your stuffed animal
down to the kitchen
i wondered if you would
find some secret spot
in your bookbag
and want to take them along
but they stayed home
with me today

they sit here beside me
a reminder of the things
you are leaving behind

*******************

stay strong in Jesus
my 6th grader
this year more than ever

remember to guard your heart
and earnestly seek His will

soak yourself in His Word
and not in the words of others

you are never alone
me and Jesus
we got ya covered

most of all, always know
that no matter how old you get
you'll always be
my baby girl

home again, home again and other ramblings...

Home again, home again...
A couple of days ago, I posted about my cousin returning home from Iraq and now, I get the pleasure of posting that my daughter is home for the school year!! She spends the summers at her dad's, about 20 minutes away. I get to see her on Wednesdays and every other weekend, but obviously, it just isn't the same. I am SO happy to have her back home. All my chick-i-dees under one roof. A mom content. :)

Funny story that will embarrass my son one day...
We went to a baseball game the other day. It was HOT! We got free tickets. There was also a free Christian concert afterwards (MercyMe!) or I would have thrown in the towel and stayed propped up in front of the A/C. I wore a tank top (which is unusual for me) and felt a little uncomfortable in it because it lacked, you know, sleeves. But I knew it would be blazing hot at the game. Anyway, it was one of those shirts that has the adjustable straps on the back. On the way to the game, my son suddenly points his finger at me and says,

"You can't wear that!"

"What? My shirt?"

"Yeah, it has those things on it."

"Things?"

"Yeah, the things from the thing for your b**bies."

Well, we about lost it. We didn't want to laugh because he would think b**bies is a funny word and for some reason, kids like to repeat funny, totally inappropriate words. And where did he learn that word anyway? He was saying that the adjustable straps belong on things we wear UNDER our shirts. I explained that this was a shirt that covered my whole body and they put the adjustable straps to make sure it stayed covered and it would be okay. Nothing like having to explain your wardrobe to your children. Somehow I always thought it would be the other way around...

The Fall crunch begins...
Soccer practice started last week. This year, Daughter and Son are playing. Very cute to watch the 4 year olds practicing. Surprisingly, my son did really well. I was convinced he would be the one who either a) refused to listen to the coach because the coach wasn't doing it "right", or b) would want to sit with Mommy and Daddy because it was so HOT and who were this strange kids anyway? Luckily, our son wasn't the one - but my fears were confirmed in the other kids. One just wanted to GO HOME, TOO HOT. Another wasn't sure what this whole soccer thing was about (just a bunch of running in circles when it is so HOT, and is there a point to this?) but seemed to think it was okay after awhile. I love watching the kids discover things. As for Daughter, she has played for years and it's basically the same kids every year. It's amazing how they grow from season to season. So with practices starting and school starting next week, the previously empty calendar begins to fill with too many things, like every Fall. Hang on, the ride begins!

That's what's going on in our corner of the world. Well, we squeeze in one more mini-vacation between now and school starting so we're busy getting ready for that too. I'll post about it when we get back. Until then, take care! :)