last tween year

i remember
the awkwardness
of twelve

being big
but little

having my opinions
but not being heard

wanting to play with dolls
but feeling dumb for doing it

my body changing
but not making sense to me

hating the peer pressure
but not knowing how to say no

wanting to be respectful
but my mouth having other ideas

putting outfits together
but not knowing if they really match

playing with makeup
but seeing a clown in the mirror

wanting a best friend
but never knowing who i could trust

trying to be confident
but second guessing my every move

the list goes on and on
and some of them are still true

but mostly
God and i worked it all out

i'm excited to see
how God works it all out for you

my baby girl

happy number twelve

braces

a trip to the orthodontist
in preparation for the big day
little rubber bands
jammed between her molars

today her mouth hurts
as the teeth protest the move
and a diet of jello and pudding
is quickly growing old

two weeks and counting
until the big day of braces
she is actually excited
in that unknown kind of way

i took a moment
to look at her smile
being with her dad for the summer
i don't see it much

(well, i don't see it much
anyway
she is almost twelve
after all)

i watched those big teeth
in her small mouth
and thought back to a time
when her teeth were small too

she'll be twelve on sunday
it's so hard for me to believe
she's almost as tall as i am
but in her mind, she's much taller

every year
as the birthdays pass
i wonder just where the time has gone
and how they got to be so big

so yes
she is excited about her braces
i'm sure the novelty will wear off
way too quickly

but for me
those braces symbolize
yet another step forward
another step in growing up

and i wonder just where oh where
my little baby girl has gone
but i look forward to watching
her blossom into a young woman of God

pretty smile and all

julio

Meet Julio. He's 5 and from the Dominican Republic. He lives with his mom and dad and one sibling.

He's also the newest member of our family. Well, kinda. We are sponsoring him through Compassion International. I love their motto: Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name. How cool is that? By committing to give monthly, we help ensure that Julio will receive medical and dental care, be able to attend school, and be given at least one balanced meal a day. Most importantly, he will be involved in a program that will teach him about Jesus Christ.

For a long time now, I've had it on my heart to sponsor a child. Ever since I was a little girl, I've felt the God-hurt of compassion when I see people suffering. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I want to reach out and put my arms around them and help them know it's going to be okay. The children are what touch me the most. They have no control over their circumstances, nor do their little hearts understand what is happening. Luckily, they are resilient but that doesn't mean it's easy.

I think that if I hadn't got married and had a child so young, I would have ended up in some foreign country loving the daylights out of some kids. That's actually still a dream I have. I hope one day to have the financial resources to be able to go on mission trips. Right now, it just isn't feasible monetarily but someday. There is no fuller feeling of Christ than loving and working hard in His name. Sometimes God has to take our mistakes and make blessings out of them. And I am blessed for the road I've taken, and I wouldn't trade my daughter for all the love in the world. I'm just saying that I have always felt the pull of these kids.

I hope to make this a family project. It takes you out of your comfort zone to think of another's needs. My kids need that. They forget or don't care about how blessed they are. Unfortunately, they are materialistic. Common for a kid, but worth working on. What better way for them to understand than to show them an actual child who they can pray for and write letters to? Julio's favorite activity is baseball and that will go over well here. I also picked a child close to my son's age so it would make it more real for us.

I'm not saying this is for you. But I do ask that you think about it. We are so incredibly blessed and we could, in turn, pass that blessing on to another family. That's what being a follower of Christ is all about.

washin' up jesus

The title is what my son used to say when we would go to church and worship Jesus. I was really touched by a song we sang yesterday at church. It truly felt like worship in my heart. I wanted to share the lyrics with you. I don't know who has the copyright on the song. I looked online and saw the name John L. Bell, and also the name Robert Kochis associated with it. Whoever it is, great song!

The Summons

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name,
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where your love and footsteps show,
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

Definitely food for thought. A clear statement of what Jesus calls us to be. Do you hear Him calling? Can you hear the freedom in following Him? I hope this began your week with a blessing, like it did for me.

do you like it?

First things first - did I really say ta ta for now in my last post? Yes, yes I did. And I'm sorry about that. I guess I was just excited about finding a FREE template online!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, how do you like my new look? I've always gravitated towards water scenes, lighthouses and darker colors because the title of my blog makes me think of those things. But what I love about this look is the different flowers. It reminded me of the many different emotions that we feel. Each one is different. My favorite part would have to be the raindrops. Because even when it rains, something is growing. I've been really learning that a lot lately.

I was waiting for someone to ask if the new, brighter template reflected that I was doing better with the whole fog thing. And it didn't take long - it was the first thing Handsome (my hubby) asked when he saw it. All I can say is that it is complicated. I have been studying about emotions and what God has to say about them. What I am learning has been a big surprise to me.

I'll be back soon to discuss what I'm learning because it might just be helpful to someone out there. Also there are New York pictures to share - because really there is nothing more riveting than pictures of other people's vacation, right?

Have a great weekend everyone!

change is a-comin'

No, you aren't at the wrong blog...I'm tired of my old design and I found this one online - free! Can you believe it? I'll be working on it for the next couple of days. I have some new stuff to link to that I really think is neat so come back and visit, okay? Ta-ta for now...

there is something you can do

A couple of months ago, a few bloggers that I read went on a trip to Uganda with Compassion. I urge you to click on either of those links (or both) to learn more about the things we can do to help children around the world. But before you go (and please do - especially the blog posts from Uganda - they are life changing), I want to tell you about something. Because of the trip to Uganda, they have started a website - compassionbloggers.com - to generate interest in this world of bloggity goodness about the needs of children worldwide. In addition to sponsoring a child, you can sign up to blog monthly about a critical issue. After hearing of how lives can be changed with just a little effort on my part, I felt compelled to sign up.

Compassion has set up a Day of Prayer and Fasting on June 25th for those affected by the Global Food Crisis. I don't think that most Americans realize the extent of poverty and hunger in the world. It's way easier to just continue consuming at will and turn a blind eye. But the fact of the matter is, there are people in the world who go to bed hungry. While we buy new cars and complain about filling up our oversized gas tanks, these people spend the majority of their entire budget on food. I look at my son and realize that he has no idea how lucky he is. The momma heart in me cries out to these families whose children must suffer. I hurt for the moms and dads who must look their children in the eyes and say I'm sorry but there is no food tonight. We complain about the extra pounds that we have on our bodies and instead we should be thankful that we were able to have dinner tonight.

If God has laid this same burden on your heart, I invite you to go to the links in this post and look around. There are people out there helping and they could use your help. Pray about it. See where God wants you to step in. It might be praying. It might be giving to the Global Food Crisis Fund. Did you know $13 can feed a child for ONE MONTH? Or maybe it will even be sponsoring a child so that they are able to thrive and grow and most importantly, learn about Jesus Christ. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, do something. We are so blessed. How can we not do more?

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

another new friend (a MIRL!)

Yeah, I just stole this picture off of Bev's blog, Scratchin' the Surface, because I have no idea where the camera is at the moment and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to find the cord to connect it to the computer. But, all the clothes are unpacked and the laundry is done and put away. Can you believe it?

We just got back from a 1300 mile round trip to New York City. I will post pictures of everything in the next few weeks as I stumble back into the swing of things. We went to NYC so the boys could take in the Reds/Yankees game at Yankee stadium and the girls saw Mary Poppins on Broadway. Along the way, we stopped at the Hershey Factory in Hershey, Pennslyvania, the Crayola Factory in Easton, Pennslyvania, four minor league parks, and most importantly, we stopped so I could meet my bloggy friend, Bev.

I emailed her when I realized we would be passing near to where she lives. We hammered it out and the next thing you know, I'm sitting in McDonald's with a stranger that I know a lot about. This bloggy world is neat because you get past all the surface things and really see a person's heart. I knew from reading Bev's blog that she has such a sweet soul and meeting her only confirmed that. We spent an hour or so catching up on things and chatting away like we'd known each other for years. And it felt like we had. We discussed big stuff and little stuff. I was sorry when the time came for us to leave. I'm thankful that there is that little thing called email so that our friendship can continue.

Oh, and just for the record, I do own more shirts than my Amy Grant Fan Club shirt. I was wearing it in the last picture and happened to be wearing it yesterday when I met Bev. My husband said he thought I did it on purpose. I didn't. I joked that it was my meeting strangers shirt. And also for the record, I got my haircut the day before we left for vacation and shouldn't have. It always takes my hair a few days to settle down. Still waiting... And by the way, for those of you who don't know what MIRL means - it means Meet In Real Life. Yeah, I didn't know that either for the longest time. Glad to be of service! :)

Thanks again, Bev, for being so gracious and kind! My kids adore you and are still talking about you. And wondering when I'll take them to McDonald's again... (yeah, thanks for that set up!)

my new friend amy

i remember
standing in the hallway
by the gymnasium
eighth grade
the year almost complete
everyone goes
separate ways
to different schools
in a matter of days

i smuggled my walkman
to school
in a brown paper bag
with my favorite tape
unguarded
by amy grant

from my breaking heart
i wanted to play
the prodigal
for my best friend
my first christian friend
who was taking a different path
than me the next year

somehow i knew
we wouldn't speak again
or see each other again
and you know
i was right

so standing there
between classes
with the shouts of others
i turned the volume
all the way up
and played...

"I face the day again
Against the window pane.
I remain your closest friend,
And wish you back again.
You wonder how I feel;
You think you've pushed too far.
If only you could see this pen
Scribbling down my heart.

I'll be waiting.
I may be young or old and gray,
Counting the days,
But I'll be waiting,
And when I finally see you come,
I'll run when I see you--
I'll meet you."

was i dramatic or what?

all these years later
after a detour into country music
my favorite singer remains
amy grant

for christmas
my husband teasingly gave me
a membership to her fan club
(after i asked for it two years in a row)

and for my birthday
he gave me tickets to her concert
she was coming to my state!
and i've been counting the days
ever since

see, part of the deal with her fan club
is that you can go to her sound checks
for free
just register beforehand and you're in

so i did

and you know what?
i met amy grant
it was surreal
she is so down to earth
and so real

but wait,
hang with me here
it's gets better!

well see part of the membership
also allows access to
these online message boards
and i read on those
that most people give amy
a card at the sound check

that felt fake to me
so i vetoed the idea
but then i figured
hey i can write a fan letter
i mean i am a fan

and as my husband so sweetly put it
i was going to the concert
three hours early
two and a half hours away
i was pretty much committed
to being a fan

so i wrote a little letter
just saying thanks
because her music
has really helped me
over the years
as we weathered
similar things in life

i gave it to her tour manager
as they quickly snapped my picture
with her
and it was over

i went on to the concert
it's amazing all the things you notice
when it isn't your first time
seeing the stage
or hearing the songs

a little after half way through the show
amy says that before the show
she received a letter
from a lady
and she just had to include a song
because of it
this lady and her had similar life experiences

my husband leans over
and says
is that you? is that your letter?

and i just nod
tears streaming down my face

amy says
so here's a song for my sister
and anyone else who knows
the healing power of God's forgiveness

and then she sings
my favorite song

as tears continued down my face

she sang a song for me
can you believe it?
it's been a week and a half
and i'm still wrapping my mind
around it all

on one hand
it seems like it was no big deal
and in the grand scheme of things
i guess it isn't
she's a regular person too
(a very famous one...)

but on the other hand
OH MY GOSH
it was so cool!!!!
which may explain
my psycho look in this picture...

was i excited or what?

eve of 5

he wore shorts today
for the first time
this season

and suddenly revealed
were legs that weren't that long
a few months ago

he's a counter
and a scheduler
he wants to know when and why

we've been counting down
the days to his birthday
for months now

not seasons
like baseball
but still a long time

today he celebrated
at preschool
with chocolate chip cookies

it's cute
they call it their special day
and wear a glittered yellow crown

before they have their snack
the special day kid
sits on a stool in the middle of the circle

the kids all go around
and tell what's special
about the special kid

a couple of them
gave what must be the standard response
he's special because God made him

a couple others
gave the other standard
he's special because he plays with me

one cute little girl
whispered in his ear
that he was special because she loved him

watch out world!

it got me thinking
of all the reasons
i think he is special

they are mostly the same reasons
that all moms think
their kids are special

but it was a little more touching
today
on the eve of 5

because 5 seems to start everything
it's such a big step forward
my baby boy isn't so baby anymore

and while i'm happy
that he is growing so well
a small part of me is sad

my eyes filled with tears
as i got my last
four year old kisses tonight

but i was filled with hope
as i felt more than saw
his future spread before me

God filled me with peace
reminding me that He is in charge
and will always be with my son

even as he grows
right before my very eyes

happy birthday little man