updates

In the past two and a half weeks, A LOT has happened around here. Here is the list - and I promise to post more details soon.

*My roommate's test was negative! The baby does not have spina bifida. But there are a few other things they need to look at so continued prayers would be appreciated.

*WE SOLD OUR OTHER HOUSE! We moved into our new house TWO years ago and finally...finally our old house sold. What a relief!

*We had a pirate and Spiderella (think Cinderella meets spider webs galore) for Halloween. I'll post pictures soon.

*I've traveled around the world. Well, not really. But I did take a trip to Texas with my husband. And it felt like I'd been around the world by the time I got home. I'll post about this too. Soon.

*Friendship drama with my daughter. Enough said. For now. Makes me tired just thinking about it!

*My hubby had a birthday! We'll be the same age for a few months and then I turn another corner.

*They had Father's Night at my son's school. That was really cool for them. Well, except for the little girl who puked as the evening was ending. My son asked why they put oatmeal on the floor. Gross!

I'm sure I'm forgetting something but these are the things that come to mind for now. I'll be back soon with all the juicy details. :)

friends

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:13-16

I don't know if my roommate from college reads my blog. We usually catch up on our cell phones on drives home from work. Just yesterday, we talked about what she would name baby #3 (actually #2, but #1 is just like one of her own anyway). Then this afternoon, I got a text message that her blood work from Monday came in. The baby has tested positive for spina bifida. It is highly likely that this is a false positive. But they have to wait until Tuesday to get an ultrasound for further investigation. Talk about being on pins and needles!

Sitting here, I yearn to be near her. She lives so far away from me - and in times like this, it feels even farther. Whenever we visit each other, we spend hours dreaming of living next door to each other. Even in the same neighborhood would be good enough. I can remember worrying so fiercely about who my roommate would be. As I ventured from home for that first time, would I be stuck with someone I couldn't stand? Would we be able to teach each other how to use our newly found wings?

It turns out that my worries were unfounded. She grew up in a small town so different than my large city. But we were very much the same. We made many memories back then. She's one of those precious friends where days and months could pass but the very next time you talk, you feel as if no time at all has passed. I often wonder why we aren't in touch more often but it only takes a conversation with her little one or a tug on the leg from my son to know that life is so busy. We are in the middle of the days that will shape our families and our responsibilities are so many right now.

But the truth of our friendship remains. She's hurting right now. And so, I am too.

tears in the rain

in the darkness
falling asleep
to the rain coming down
and waking again
to the dawn
with the blanket of rain
still surrounding

today the sun
is hiding
as the once green leaves
blow and fall to the ground

the rain
makes the scene
dramatic

sunday
guest speaker
at church
she spoke of
many things

but the one thing
that stands out to me
what do you say
when time is running out
how do you put
all that you want to say
in few words

she was referring to paul
nearing the end of his time on earth
in his second letter to timothy
trying to impart wisdom
lasting last words

but i
i only saw my father
ten years ago
a few days after the diagnosis
as he grappled with his life
with all that he had done
and not done

the image of his face
filled my head
there on that church pew

i saw him as
the light streamed in
from the window
he looked at the ceiling
in that hospital room
and told me
of his material things
of the things I would get

and the anger shot through me
as i imagined
that time was running out
the unknown was upon us
and the words would be few

maybe it was this anger
that caused me
to speak my mind
in a way that i never had before

dad
i said
and he never really wanted me
to call him dad
but i always did anyway
dad it never was about the things
it was about you being there for me

and in the unspoken response
it was clear that he hadn't been
nor had he been able

and on that day
the day after my 21st birthday
as i realized i might lose
something i never had

the tears came down his face
for the first time
in my memory

time was running out
and there were no words
only tears

today the rain comes down
and i see his tears

even now

can i use the phone?

Can someone please tell me the appeal of the telephone to an eleven year old girl? I'm just sayin'...

If she asks to use the phone one more time (three separate times in the last ten minutes!), I think I might just yank all the wires out of the wall and throw the phone in the front yard. And you tell me this gets worse? I just don't remember this about my tween/teen years at all. Anyone with any suggestions?

No answer to the latest friend she tried to call. As she walks away, she grumbled.

"Man, no one to talk to at ALL."

I replied, "I'm right here."

"Oh." (As if it never even crossed her mind - and it probably didn't.)

And that's when we spend thirty minutes discussing the politics of sixth grade girls. Whew. Lucky me. :)

concert

watching you
watching her
brought back memories
of being a tween

although in those days
there was no such thing
as a tween
thirteen was the magic number

running to your seat
because, come on mom
she's singing
and we have to see her

i remembered the urgency
to be a part of something bigger
to connect with celebrity
being taken away with music

you screamed your little head off
through the retainer
showing your love
for someone unknown

i caught a glimpse
of who you really are
an opening in the recent
tightly shut door

there were tears on your face
when you realized the line
was far too long
the opportunity suspended

it broke my heart
to see the unabashed yearning
to want to meet
the untouchable

then you wiped your tears
and the little girl disappeared
as you reassured me
that it was okay

but i would not be deterred
fueled by my own tween-hood
intimately knowing
that irrational desire

excuse me sir
please
her ticket is her birthday present
sorry no can do

the indignant look you gave
when another family
was added to the line
led me to try one more time

excuse me sir
this time to the man
who put the last family
in line

please
she's here for her birthday
please sir
isn't there something you can do?

it all happened quickly
she was leaving
he reached out for her elbow
and directed her our way

quickly an autograph
and hi sweetheart
and a kiss on the head
then she was gone

leaving you behind
bawling
baffled i asked what was wrong
i couldn't understand your reply

repeating yourself
you told me
i got to meet her mom
to actually meet her

and for one brief moment
the worlds aligned
and two tweens
got their wish tonight

she did
and so did i

memory lane

With all this wedding stuff going on, I got to thinking about when Handsome and I got married. I've been meaning to dig out our wedding album and look at it. Last night, I got around to it and took a few moments to look through all the pictures. As I did, I was amazed at how much we have changed, individually and as a couple. It really hasn't been that long but it seemed so long ago that I wore that pretty dress. I had the strangest urge to see behind those eyes and get into my head. To see it all over again. I also wanted to reach out my hand and reassure those people in the pictures. All the hard times would come and go and it would still be okay. Sometimes when I'm in the middle of a trying time, I think back to a time past when things were pretty rocky. I realize that I made it through then, and I can make it through again. I also like to see how God put out his steadying hand to help me or carry me through those times. Because He is always there. From everlasting to everlasting.

I make it sound like our wedding was the beginning of troubled times. This isn't the case at all. It's just that adjustment time when you truly do blend into one. It's a matter of give and take, ups and downs, and sometimes around and around again. And seeing those pictures reminded me of all we've worked through. But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. It makes me who I am today, and who Handsome and I are as a couple. And I don't think I've ever loved him more.

prayers requested

Six years ago, we moved to this school district. We didn't know anyone. The first person that Baby Girl met was a girl who is still among her closest friends. A couple of weeks ago, this girl's dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He's only 41. Last Monday, he had surgery to remove the tumor. In the process of the surgery, they took some tests. I learned today that the cancer showed up in two of his lymph nodes. He will be scheduled for 12 chemotherapy treatments over six months. This is a long road. To top it off, his wife lost her job a few months back and he was only working part time. Thank the good Lord, they have health insurance right now through COBRA. But could you imagine?

This has really shaken me because my father died of rectal cancer that had metastasized. And this is the first person among our peers to have to deal with something like that. I am really at a loss as to what to say to them, although I have told the wife I will do whatever she needs me to do. I look at the kids' faces (they also have a girl in kindergarten) and want to love the worry right off of them.

Bev at Scratchin' the Surface posted about getting a colonoscopy and I encourage you to read the post. It isn't as bad as I thought it was. Because of my family history, I'm going to talk to my doctor about this. After our friend's diagnosis so young, I want to cover my bases. Do this for your family - it's totally worth it.

And, friend, we are praying for you. Good luck. I like best what Bev said in an email to me (and I'm paraphrasing here) - God is bigger than any diagnosis.

the new mr. and mrs.

I'm taking the plunge. I don't have too much personal info out there and I want to share these pictures. So after all this time...here's my family's debut! :)

The brand new Mr. and Mrs.! This is my desktop picture these days. Handsome says that he looks like he has his eyes half closed but I still think that grin is worth millions.

This is Handsome, and he especially looked that way in that tux. :)

Here is the infamous Baby Girl. Make-up and all. There's nothing that could strike fear in my heart quicker than seeing those little girl eyes all made up with big girl make-up. But between you and me, I thought the make-up was a great addition to her beautiful face. These days, she's got a huge retainer in that pretty mouth.

Months and months ago, we began preparing Little Man for this role. We were convinced he would show up the night of the wedding, see all those people and firmly state, in his old soul voice, that he was NOT going down the aisle. Instead, he put on his determined face and marched on down. Isn't that little bitty tux (that cost as much as daddy's!) just the cutest thing? Crooked tie and all!

Me and my Handsome.

Isn't this cake beautiful? It tasted good too!

Little Man hit the dance floor the minute the music started and didn't stop until the music did. He LOVES to dance.

I love this picture of them dancing. It looks like he is teaching her to dance. They had a lot of fun, I think.

He even scored a dance with the bride! :)

It was a beautiful wedding and I'm so glad I have a new sister. It has been interesting to Handsome and I how life moves on and the family circle keeps getting bigger. I love that about families. Welcome to the family, new sister! :)

they have names...i promise!

So, for the first time since I began blogging, I am revisiting my thoughts on what to share with you. I mean, I have been pretty fanatical about privacy and worrying about what I put "out there". I didn't even reveal my name for almost a year. You never know what internet boogie-man is out there and my, oh, my what would he or she do with a picture of my children and would he or she be able to find out where we are from and what would he or she possible want with my children and how could I have exposed them to the wild unknown and...well, whew, you get my point. But paging through the pictures from the wedding, there are so many I want to share. Due to my quest of safety, there aren't many left that I can share. I'm torn. I don't know what to do.

So while I ponder that for another day or so, here is something else that has come up...I have never told you my family's names and still don't feel comfortable with that at the moment. But I am tired of calling them my son, my daughter, my husband. It seems so, I don't know, unfriendly or something. To make this better, I have come up with names. I've seen other bloggers do this and thought it was just about dang time! :)

Since my daughter was born, I have called her Baby Girl. I still do. Even after the birth of my son, who is now technically the baby. It's funny because I have also called her Pumpkin Butt (don't ask - I don't even know why) but I thought years down the road when she is cherishing her mom's bloggy words (and she will, right??), she might appreciate Baby Girl instead. So, Baby Girl it is.

My son was born looking like an old man. He had the scrunchy face, the big ears, and even his hair slicked down with a side part. I've always called him Little Man. He has been my little grown-up for most of his life. He just has an old soul, like me, and he imitates his dad's gestures without even knowing it. He's our Little Man.

I've thought and thought about what my husband's name can be. I have discarded a few. I thought about Knight In Shining Armor - KISA for short but yeah, that's not so manly. I also decided against the Love Of My Life - LOML because that reminds me too much of LOL and although he makes me laugh, it just didn't sit well with me. My uncle calls him Chesterfield (he has nicknames for us all) but that doesn't work for me. I don't think of him as Chesterfield (even if it does fit!). Maybe it will just have to be Handsome because well, he is. :)

There we have it - Handsome, Baby Girl and Little Man. I feel so much better now that you "know" my family! It seems so trivial but thanks for hanging in there with me. I'll be back soon, probably with wedding pictures! Stay tuned!

resurfacing...

This is always a busy season for us. For all families, I guess. I can hardly believe that it's been a month since I last posted. I've lurked around and thought about things to post but never made it here. Now, there's so much to write about, I'm overwhelmed. Here's a list of the things that have happened around here in the past 30 days...

*I have a new sister!! My brother-in-law got married a few weeks ago. All four of us were in the wedding. It was beautiful. I'll devote a whole post to it soon - I promise!

*There was a surprise party/reception/open house for my cousin that just got back from serving in Iraq. I got to hug on him and hold that new baby of his. That baby looks just like him! It sure was good to see him. He moved back to the base with wife and baby in tow today. Prayers for them would be appreciated.

*My daughter started 6th grade - and with that, came an amazing obsession with the phone.

*My son started pre-school. He loves it! I'm getting used to the idea. I can't believe he's ready for this. It's only 3 mornings a week but my heart says it's so much more than that.

*Both kids started their soccer seasons. This is my son's first time playing soccer. Those little ones are adorable. And when did my daughter learn to kick like that? I'll post some pictures soon.

*I started attending a Bible study/book study group. I've learned a lot. Most of all, I am enjoying the fellowship with other like-minded Christians. I'll post some of the amazing things happening soon. (Seems like I have a lot to post "soon"!)

*My mother-in-law's work schedule was changed so my work schedule is changing. She was the one to watch my son while I worked two days a week. Now, I'll be home every day except one. On that day, I'll go to my study group and then to work for the afternoon. A blessing for sure but it was chaotic there for a minute!

*The evaluation for our pastor had to be done and since I'm head of that committee at church, guess who had to spearhead that? It was well, um, interesting, and hopefully we are on track now. Kinda stressful for little ole me there for a bit.

*I feel so bad that I just now found out that I was given an award A MONTH AGO! Bev at Scratchin' the Surface so nicely awarded me this Nice Matters Award:
She is so sweet and I always love to see what she's up to. If you haven't had the chance to visit her, stop by! Thanks Bev! It's funny that I got this award because we've taught our kids that Jesus wants us to be nice. And they make sure to remind us when we need it! :)

Whew! I think that catches us up. As you can tell, I have lots to post about but I didn't want to go on and on and on and on in one post. So, I'll be back - and it won't take me a whole month this time!