circus with a cold

all these days gone by
and still everyone is
sniffling and coughing

and grouchy.

who could have guessed
there was that much junk
in everyone's head?

heal my family, Lord,
restore our health
so that we may better
face the challenges of
today
i also pray for the people
who will buy our old house,
prepare their hearts and
minds
and do it quickly if you can :)
i know that it is all in your will
and time, not my own
but i can ask, right?
bless my marriage
give us your peace in this
stressful time

the circus is in session today
a selfish tiger, a busy lion,
and a curious monkey with no
george in sight
boys all around
i'm having a good time, really
i keep telling myself
those convincing words
praying they will sink in

i must go dress the lion
and hope that he won't
roar too loudly

is it nap time yet?
i'm tired....

new year

more than ten days has passed
since i have gotten a minute
to write down the thoughts
of my mind

it has been the busiest
ten days of the whole year

everyone has runny noses
or stuffy noses or tissue wiping
red noses
and sore throats
and coughs
and a big case of the grouchies

i have been longing to curl up
in bed for a few days and sleep
and i even managed to sleep in
once or twice
but still i'm run down
and coughing

being sick and all the activities
of the holidays
brought the fog back
overwhelmed
and tired

what a horrible way to spend
the blessed Christmas season

i remind myself that it is just that
a Christmas season
my closeness to Christ isn't defined
by just a season
it evolves over all the seasons
of my life
it's just that some of the seasons
feel so long these days

someday soon
i'll wish for the chaos
but today
and the last few days
i wish for a time of rest
and quiet

why is it we always want
what we don't have?

on that note
i don't want
the extra weight
i do have
and i want to do something
about it this year
my resolution again
for the third year in a row
well, one of the years didn't count
because i was pregnant that year

so i'll try again...

the sweetest memory of new year's
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
(arm raised high with sippee cup of juice in hand)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

christmas is coming

this time of year
is so very busy
not to mention the move

unpacking
wrapping
where is the tree?

find the ornaments
hide the presents
now where did i put that?

the three ring circus
almost drove me to drink
yesterday

between poopy diapers and
runny noses
and my human vacuum cleaner
the only word i know is NO!

but i LOVE my new house
even half put together
it makes me so happy

Lord, i pray for the right
family to come along for the
other house...but not yet,
because i still need to finish
getting it empty and clean...just
be preparing their hearts.
thank you for my many blessings.

slow down this merry-go-round
so i can remember the reason for
my blessings and the reason for
the pretty christmas lights and the
ultimate sacrifice that came from
a tiny baby born so long ago

how thankful i am for the grace
and mercy that came for each of us
in the form of that scrunchie, wiggly,
wrinkled little baby boy.

your birthday is coming
birthday cake with candles
cha cha cha

endings and beginnings

long week
endings and beginnings
it hurts to see
someone you love
hurting

small white church
looked even smaller to me
it had been years
since i saw that
stained glass window
the one i voted for
all those years ago

the person who
invited us to that
small white church
is gone

how very sad it was
to see the grieving
but comfort comes in
knowing that she is free

long truck with the
liberty bell on the side
and arizona plates
took all our stuff
half a mile away

a few bruises and
sore muscles galore

now we are up
to our ears in boxes
one by one they empty
as we create a home
in this house of ours

watching my family
help us with this
chaotic adjustment
made my heart swell
and my eyes tear up

thank you so much

somewhere in the mist
of this chaos
i realized that i had
truly become a
daughter to the ones
who didn't choose me -
their son did

and again the tears came

thank you Lord for blessing
me with so many things
and thank you for opening
my eyes and giving me a
moment to see during this
busy time

help us all to adjust to the
new house
and help me with the circus
today

amen.

memories

a week and the fog
finally starts to lift

and then sad news
comes my way

a kind soul has
left this earth today
on to claim her big, big house
with lots and lots of rooms

but most importantly,
to see the Father's face
and hear Him say
well done.

well done.

thank you Lord for all
the guidance she gave
my mom,
for the friend she was to my mom,
for the unconditional love she gave
to me and my kids
and many others, i am sure.
thank you for what she meant
to a lost hyper kid
all those years ago...
for a big yard to cut,
christmas lights to hang,
playing ping pong by myself
or with the wall,
perfecting my pool shot
while i was shadow grounded,
for a graduation party,
for hanging wet laundry on
the line outside,
for column paper with stock
prices,
for her nesting dolls that
squeaked when i opened each one,
for meals eaten around
a round, glass table,
for the smell of her perfume
that lingered at her vanity,
and the silver tea set displayed on
the coffee table,
for the green dressed air
freshener doll,
and for holding my children
when they were babies,
for the famous baseball that
i foolishly gave away,
for handsprings and cartwheels
across the back lawn,
for canasta playing,
and the stereo in the basement
that helped pass the time.

thank you Lord for the memories.
rest in peace, my surrogate grandmother.
rest in peace.

the key

i'm sinking
in the quicksand of life
the fog is so thick
i can barely see through it

i should be elated
i should be filled with joy
thanks to God's grace and mercy
instead all i feel is anger and defeat

the three ring circus
spirals around and around me
on the brink of chaos
and leaving me on the brink of insanity

i have a new set of keys
keys that hold endless possibility
but the key i really want
has been taken away from me

stop the train
i need to stop
need to find more strength
to figure it out one more time

so hard to draw near to you
O God
please draw near to me
remind me of your peace

i need that so much right now

spinning

five steps forward
four steps back
i focus on the one step that
remains forward

it's not all for no reason
it can't be all for no reason

round and round
we go
how can i stand firm
when the ground
keeps spinning?

clear the fog, o Lord
please...i want to
concentrate on what
i am thankful for
not on the mere
movements of my day

thank you for my family
even when we fight
thank you for the bubble
that wraps us up tight

wow, i made a rhyme
silly me

Jesus, watch over my
little girl as she spends
thanksgiving on the
other side of the world
well, it just feels like it
anyway

welcome to the world, little one
people you don't even know
are pulling for you

thanks for the miracle, Lord

now what?

i knew that things had been
even keel for too long

only i hadn't realized that
i was just waiting for the
other shoe to fall

with the slam of a door
the heavy fog is back

now what?

ready

what a roller coaster
life has been this week

go here
do this
hurry, we'll be late

can thanksgiving really be in 2 days?

that means christmas is just around the corner

wait, WAIT...slow down this train
i'm not ready

speaking of being ready,
my thoughts this am
are about a little girl
(not my own, thank God)
who will not be so little
by the end of the day
a baby born of a baby

my heart aches for her
my mind can't put itself
all the way around
what is happening
Lord, help her and
keep her calm

and life goes on...

one more day

my life is not my own
especially not this week

too many poopy diapers
and carrying around
20 or 30 pounds

the lion cub doesn't like
shopping any more
than the papa lion

i'm exhausted and
this is supposed to be
when i relax and unwind

instead i may just collapse

but my kids are adorable
and my husband comes home
tomorrow - thank God

renew my strength, O Lord