Decipher the Fog

first loose tooth

2009-11-08T20:29:00.001-05:00

Compassion Bloggers Trip Widget (Facebook, Myspace, Blogs)

2009-11-07T11:26:00.001-05:00

ten seconds from tears

2009-10-08T09:30:00.002-04:00

Watching the rain come down this morning, I'm reminded of something I heard this past weekend. I had the privilege of hearing Wess Stafford speak. He's the President and CEO of Compassion International. He's also the author of Too Small to Ignore. He was talking about why he has such a big heart for the children of Compassion. His story is outlined in his book and it's amazing. A true testament of the power of God's saving grace. And as he was speaking, he got choked up. He said he is never more than ten seconds from tears. With his tender heart, the water line stays right at nose level. I was so delighted to be in the presence of someone else who has the same reaction to the children of Compassion. I get choked up or teary-eyed when I hear about these children or see pictures of them. They are intricately connected to my heart. I am usually never more than ten seconds from tears, especially when we are talking about these precious children.

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

a piece of cake

2009-10-06T09:56:00.003-04:00

There was so much information given, I don't remember who said the following quote - but I loved it.

"When our love isn’t strong enough, Christ’s love takes over and loves for us. When we aren’t strong enough, Christ is the only strength we need."

I have a really bad habit of not getting involved in something because I don't feel like I can take the task to completion. Or the situation may get "messier" than I would like. This statement reassured me. If God is calling me to something, He isn't going to leave me hanging out there all alone. When my skill-set is maxed, God steps in and through the power of Jesus Christ, He takes over. How freeing! And really, it's all about God in the first place. I am just the vehicle He is choosing to use for a particular task. I think once that truth is planted firmly inside, the rest is just a piece of cake.

Show up. If you feel the nudge, DO IT. God will be there.

I always liked cake. :)

this is the air I breathe

2009-10-03T00:45:00.006-04:00

Being at this altitude, I wondered if I would struggle to breathe. I have asthma and while it doesn't flare up much in my hometown, I thought it was a good possibility here in Colorado.

My fears weren't completely unfounded. I'm not short of breath but I feel the heaviness of breathing in my chest. The smallest exertion - like carrying my suitcase - makes me pretty winded. So while it isn't a struggle, I definitely notice the effort my body is putting forth to fill my lungs.

Last night, at the opening session, we heard Wess Stafford speak. Very moving. He put forth a personal challenge of forgiveness. Which struck me because this is something God had already been working in my life.

Then we sang a song - " This is the air I breathe". There is a line in it about being desperate for God. With being so aware about the air I am breathing and the effort it is taking, I fully understood the desperation of needing God as I need to breathe. He is the very air I breathe. He is what is inside of me, making me alive. Just as I need my body to push air into my lungs, I need my sweet Lord.

It was such a vivid picture for me. I'm so thankful that He took my struggle, my fear and turned it into a wonderful lesson on the critical need for total dependence on Him.

In addition, and not just a little off track, I was led to pray for my family last night. To declare in the name of Jesus Christ that Satan has no place among them, among us. That we will be a God seeking family. That I will be the love of Christ to them. That I will honor their God given gifts and not impose my human judgements upon them. That I will be encouraging and uplifting. That God will make me the mean mom when necessary but that only kindness will remain.

It was an emotional night. A big night spiritually. One that I felt was a culmination of many small steps and nudges over a very long period of time.

A collision of mercy, forgiveness, and the Holy Spirit. Hallelujah. Amen.

2 more days!

2009-09-29T22:52:00.002-04:00

Stay tuned! In TWO days, I'm off to the Advocate National Conference for Compassion International!!! I am SO excited. It's in Colorado and I've never been there. I'll be sure to post while I'm gone and share all the GOOD stuff!!

I ask for your prayers - for travel mercies and for the clarity that only God can give. I want to be able to take it all in and not be overwhelmed with information.

Oh, and pray for the children of Compassion - because that's what it's all about!

Thanks and talk to you soon...from Colorado!

snapshot of 1st grade

2009-08-26T09:28:00.001-04:00

jpg - beauty

2009-08-29T20:09:00.002-04:00

Headed home from a Compassion Advocate picnic. Beautiful sunset...
Thank you God for great weather, inspiring fellowship, and good
prayers for children who need it.

hiya

2009-09-14T15:21:00.003-04:00

Is it just me or is life a bit crazy right now?

I'm standing at the store, restoring my phone. It decided to go crazy too and I realized just to what extent I was (am) addicted to my phone. See, when I got my phone, I decided to use it as my calendar too. Now, I'm a paper person so this was a BIG adjustment for me. And, yes, my calendar is on my computer but I need it in my hand, on the road, where the heck am I going? So the past few days have been a bit like I'm missing my hand. Not the one I write with, but close enough. :)

So while I love the technology of my phone, it stinks right about now. I'm waiting...waiting...waiting...for it to download whatever lovely thing it needs to work again. So what better time to update my blog. Free internet - check. Free time (even if it is unwanted) - check. My trusty computer - check. So here we are....

The kids are doing well in school. Little Man still petitions for half day school on a regular basis (no such luck, kiddo) and Baby Girl is super busy with soccer AND cross country. I have no idea how she runs so much but you go, girl! She had her first meet on Saturday and she ran two miles in 18 minutes. With only a week of training. After three quarters of a soccer game. Wonder woman. :)

Handsome is gearing up to travel for work. He has to go on three trips in the span of three weeks. That's a lot. And I squeeze in a trip to Colorado in there. Busy, busy, busy. Reminding myself for the millionth time that these are the good days.

I look forward to going to Colorado. I've never been west of Illinois. Unless you count the week at Young Life camp in Minnesota. I hear it is beautiful. I can't wait to learn more about Compassion and to see all the things they are up to. I'll definitely try to post while I'm out there. Especially pictures.

(halfway on the restore...in case you were wondering...)

Is anyone else excited that the Fall TV shows are about to start? I'm not a big TV watcher but my husband has gotten me hooked on a few shows. Plus I'm curious to see what Jay Leno has up his sleeve. To be honest, I'll just be glad to watch something other than football. I know it just started and all, but well, it isn't my favorite thing to watch and our tv is full of it these days.

Wow, that halfway went to complete in a very short time....not that I'm complaining!! I gotta run but I will try to post again soon!!! I'm not even going to stop and read this through first, just post it (might be a mistake!!) so if there are errors, sorry!

God bless!

the jerk and mr. potter

2009-07-15T11:45:00.002-04:00

excuse me

if this ends up sounding

a little incoherent

but i spent most of last night

in a movie theater

with fans way more dedicated

than myself

whose bright idea was it

to premiere a movie

at midnight

even with all the hoopla

i saw at least two people sleeping

that's an expensive nap

so what was i doing there?

baby girl and her step sister

really really wanted to go

and while i usually say no

to wild adventures in the night

i couldn't think of a good enough reason

to say no

so off we went

in the middle of the night

to see mr. potter

and his friends

on their latest adventure

i think they thanked me

a couple hundred times

they sure enjoyed themselves

even though the events of the movie

devastated one of them

luckily i ordered the tickets online

because when we got there

all 14 theaters showing mr. potter

were sold out

arriving a little over an hour early

and finding a seat was still difficult

the girls ended up sitting two rows back

together

and i took the single spot

next to a handicap slot

knowing i'd give it up should someone need it

you get to do a lot of people watching

when you have little else to do

for an hour

and there were interesting people galore

there was a man there with his two children

the kids were maybe 8 and 11

a boy and a girl

well this man confronted these two young guys

that were sitting in my handicap row

in two of the seats

he told them he thought they shouldn't be sitting there

the one young guy tried to explain

and was real respectful, calling the other guy sir

but the man got all up in the guy's face

and was yelling at him

mind you, his two children are watching all of this

the young guy wasn't able to tell his side of the story

although he sure tried

and the man finally backed down

and went back to his seat by his children

about this time

a young girl comes in with a couple friends and her mom

she's maybe a senior in high school

and she's trying to find a seat

the man bullies a few other young guys

about the empty seats next to them

and tells the girl she can sit there with her group

the girl gushes all over the place

and thanks him

i'm silently repulsed

the man proceeds to buy this girl a Coke

when he goes to buy $20 worth of candy for his kids

and won't take the money she tries to pay him back

i'm wondering why in the world

the girl's mom is allowing this to go on

again, this man's children are watching every move

and he was creepy

i caught him staring at the girl

at least a half dozen times

creepy, i tell you

but harmless with so many people around

thank goodness

i just silently observe

so the movie is getting ready to start

and the young guys in the handicap row with me

realize there is one empty seat

behind them

so the guy who was confronted

tells them to save the seat for him

and takes off out of the theater

after a little while

he returns

with two of his friends

one of them is in a wheelchair

and even as they roll over my toe

getting this guy to the spot two seats down from me

i was so excited

that this young guy got the last word

and he didn't have to say anything at all

rambling...

2009-07-10T09:40:00.004-04:00

Wow. I just reread the last three posts and can you say melodramatic?! I don't know why birthdays and holidays bring out the blues in me. They just do. And with the blues, comes the desire to write. Strange the way my brain and heart work.

The people across the street are getting a new roof. So for the past couple of days, I've been awaken to the sound of tap, tap, tap hammers and the whirl of a circular saw. Wish the extreme makeover was happening over here. But then it wouldn't just be a tap - it would be a full blown BANG BANG BANG! So maybe it's okay that it isn't happening here...

Made my reservation for the Compassion National Conference. I don't know if I've mentioned yet that I am an advocate for Compassion. Basically, it's a volunteer position where you just try to get the word out about Compassion and try to get children sponsored. I'm amazed at this ministry and really would like to get even more involved. I'd love to go on a trip with them because I so firmly believe in what they are doing. I want to see it first hand. Anyway, if you haven't heard of Compassion, check it out! And if you are ready to sponsor a child, click here. Or click on that Compassion picture there in my sidebar.

Okay, okay, off my soapbox now...last night, I had some extra fruit from my fruit salad at lunch so I decided to make a smoothie. My favorite drink at UDF (a local ice cream shop/gas station) is a strawberry freeze. All they put in it is strawberry sherbet and fruit punch or lemonade. I can do that! So I bought some raspberry sherbet (couldn't find strawberry) and some fruit punch. I've been having fun experimenting. Last night's smoothie had about a half-cup of blueberries, half-cup of strawberries, a few raspberries, a cut-up banana, a little fruit punch and a lotta raspberry sherbet (fat free!). I just blended it all together and kept adding the sherbet until it was as thick as I wanted. It was SO good!! We will definitely be doing that again!

Well, I'm going to go start enjoying my Friday. So excited that the weekend is here! Hope everyone has a good one!

13

2009-07-06T20:30:00.001-04:00

somehow

all those years ago

sitting in the lawyer's office

it never crossed my mind

that her birthday was in the summer

when he was given summer custody

and while the list of negatives

is longer than my arm

i would have to say

that by far the worst

is trying to make things fair

and make her happy

on her birthday

because i'm the one who birthed her

and i miss spending time with her

on her birthday

go figure

the past few years

have been better

than the ones before

but sharing is rough

and to be honest

i'm not very good at it

this year

we had all weekend

and although her birthday

is tomorrow

i was blessed to have two whole days

to soak up the last of twelve

and stare thirteen in the face

a steak

cake

banners

balloons

confetti (!!)

a new phone

tickets to a water park

and a basket of "girl stuff"

(as the six year old boy said)

not to mention a surprise gift card

and another one slips by

2009-07-04T23:55:00.002-04:00

outside the window

darkness

each explosion

lights the silhouettes

i peek out

checking on children

watching grown men

act like little boys

i only count one child

and begin to panic

looking for child

number two

an explosion in the sky

and then a sparkler

illuminates her eyes

and her long legs

and once again

i realize

she is no longer a child

although my heart says she is

happy 4th

last day of kindergarten

2009-06-10T09:56:00.001-04:00

It seems only yesterday that we dropped him off for his first day of big boy school. And today is the last day. Next year starts full days, no lunches with Mom, and two trips on the big yellow cheese. He seems ready, but am I?

singing

2009-05-26T22:36:00.003-04:00

Had to go to the Post Office by my work today and it was interesting. I work in a unique part of town; lots of local history, lots of different walks of life. It has a downtown, urban feel but just up the street, it's suburbia. Anyway, the Post Office has been there for years and years. As I waited my turn, I enjoyed the old pictures on the wall of past employees. And I do mean PAST employees...these had to be from almost 100 years ago.

I was waiting in line because there was this nice, eccentric, older woman in front of me. Her clothes were a bit worn and her gray-streaked hair was loosely pulled up in a bun. She had a blister on her thumb (cleaning? sewing?) and her shoes didn't fit quite right. She was buying money orders. The clerk was speaking a little bit loud and I couldn't quite figure out if she normally did that or if the lady was hard of hearing. I'm thinking it was a little of both. The lady bought two money orders and then couldn't decide why she had so much money left over. Then she remembered she needed another money order. I work at a bank. We get this type of customer a lot. Especially in this particular neighborhood. I always try to have lots of patience with them, because, let's face it, that is going to be me someday and I sure hope someone is patient with me.

So the woman gets her money orders and moves out to the counter in the lobby area. I get my stamps and the only place to stand to put them on the envelopes is at the same counter in the lobby area. There's plenty of room but I just take the very edge, steering clear of the money order lady. I began stamping my envelopes and from two feet away, she starts saying that she should have used the counter inside the Post Office so that I would have more room. I assured her I was fine. Then she said it again. And again. Each time, I assure her that I'm fine. In the meantime, I'm putting stamps on as fast as I can to get the heck out of there because I was obviously distressing her a bit. Then out of nowhere, she begins to sing. LOUDLY. And it was pretty. She sounded like she was on stage giving a performance. I have no idea what song she was singing, something along the lines of black witchcraft and white witchcraft. ??? But she had a beautiful voice. It was so shocking to me that she was singing so loudly, and so much, but once I recovered from the shock, I actually enjoyed it.

I was thankful for the reminder today that when your soul feels like singing, you should just let it on out. Someone might think you are a little loose in the head. But someone just might get a big ole blessing out of it. Thank you, Lord, for helping me put my priorities in the right place today and for helping me see the joy in that older woman's soul today. I needed that.

new! amy! grant! music!

2009-05-06T20:09:00.004-04:00

If you know me at all, you know I am the HUGEST Amy Grant fan. Well, I'm not huge but you know what I mean. I have a special bloggy label just for her and everything! I got an email the other day informing me that not only does Amy Grant have a new web design - because you know that's big news around here - but she also has new! music! available! Click here to check it out. Go on...you know I'm going to be talking about it so you'll want to know what all the hype is about! Haha...

Wait...what are you still doing here? Go! It's that good!!!

jpg - divine appontment

2009-02-20T12:35:00.002-05:00

Due to the nature of my work (banking), I get to know some families
pretty well. I became aquainted with this one family when I first
started at a new branch about eight years ago. The dad started a
realty company back in the 60's that the grown son is now running. The
son has been our realtor for both houses that we've bought. Anyway,
the mom and dad were still very involved and often came in the bank on
company (and personal) business. Then the dad passed away a few years
ago and I went to the funeral. It was more for the son, of course,
although I knew alot of the family by then.

Skip ahead a few years and my uncle dies. Late last year, I'm sorting
through some things and I come across a piece of an old newspaper.
Actually, the newspaper was wrapped around a glass object and being
that "old stuff" interests me, I opened it to read it. It was dated
1965 and was full of car ads and classifieds advertising homes for
sale. Boy, they seemed cheap! Compared to today's prices anyway. So, I
see a few houses listed by the company that my friend's dad started. I
decided to save the paper to show him (and that's just the kind of
thing that's making this sorting process take forever! But it is the
coolest part!). I put it in a bag in the garage and promptly forgot
about it.

A couple of weeks ago, Handsome and I decided to clean out the garage.
I went through some stuff from my uncle's and came across the
newspaper again. I brought it in the house and put it in my work bag
to pass on the next time I went to work. That was yesterday.

I work at a different branch now so I put it in the interoffice mail.
They received it and the guy happened to come in. They showed him the
paper and he was a little taken aback. Why?

His father died two years ago yesterday. Exactly.

How cool is it that I had that paper for months but God arranged for
it all to pan out yesterday? Even neater is that this guy totally
recognized the fact that it was a God thing.

God makes divine appointments all the time. All you have to do is
listen and show up.

And then be blown away - like I still am today! Praise God!

my new happy place

2009-02-23T22:57:00.002-05:00

jpg - refuge

2009-02-25T20:34:00.001-05:00

Little Man had bad dreams a couple of nights ago. Handsome was just
the refuge he needed. What a wonderful earthly reminder of what God
wants to do for us! Oh, and what a great photo opportunity of my
boys. :)

jpg - sunrise

2009-03-21T07:31:00.002-04:00

top of the world

2009-05-02T21:34:00.001-04:00

Top of the ferris wheel on the Navy Pier. Ah, blue water....

note to self...

2009-05-04T21:49:00.003-04:00

...when your son asks for lego sets for his birthday, he'll rope you into building them. Which sounds fun at first, but after three hours and fifteen minutes - not so much. Your neck muscles will scream at you the rest of the day, but it will be so worth it to see him flying a starship through the air and escaping the bad guys in an old Russian car.

...toll booth operators are a funny lot. Some sing to themselves, or rather, to you. Some don't even say hi. Some wear gloves (nasty money!) and some are very friendly. Others not so much. It was interesting (especially the very LOUD singer...)

...preteens' feet stink. Especially in a closed in, air-conditioned van. For hours. That's all I have to say about that.

...now that the sixth birthday is over, take this time to prepare for the next one...thirteen! Here we go.......(I'm SO not ready for this!)

six

2009-04-30T10:24:00.002-04:00

after months of counting down

the prestigious sixth birthday

is just around the bend

he's so excited

and i'm wondering

just where the time has gone

some days so big

yet still glimpses of the little boy

i rocked to sleep at night

i pray those little windows

of joyful bonding

are always there

even when he towers over me

and oh, he will

(doesn't everyone?)

in the middle of the everyday

i wonder and pray for the end

for a time when the quiet will win out

but on days like today

rainy and introspective

on the cusp of another milestone

i know that one day soon

i will long for the noise

for the spontaneous kisses

for the crashing of trucks

for the sounds of batman fighting robin

for the requests to watch video clips

for the mischievous-ness that is my son today

for the song dedications

for the notes on dry erase boards

for the reading of books

for the intimacy of sharing every day together

there will be a day

when i want nothing more than this

and that day is not far away....

good times

2009-04-25T18:46:00.004-04:00

well hey there

long time no talk

i hate that slacker part of me

i always come back

and make promises for more

then fail

agh - frustrating

so no more promises

just me

today is a beautiful day

all of God's creatures

singing in delight

i'm watching

a game of toss

between my two favorite boys

sitting outside

enjoying the warm sun

feeling the wind blow by

thinking about a handful of people

who are halfway across the world

and wondering how life is for them today

another group of compassion bloggers

are on a trip

this time to india

i know God will move

i know lives will be changed

and i pray lots of kids get sponsored

business trip tomorrow

never get used to it

neither of us do

the flurry of laundry

and last minute purchases

packing

and this time

a day later

we'll hurry and pack

headed out

for a little family vacation

to celebrate a sixth birthday

busy times

tired times

good times...

snowed in

2009-01-28T16:31:00.000-05:00

Here's a picture from this morning, looking out our back door...

Yeah, that's at least six inches of snow on the picnic table. And there's a good deal of ice too. Looks like I'm not going anywhere today. That's okay, because that gives me time to do this....

What laundry? :)