Decipher the Fog

i'm a happy girl

2010-01-22T07:05:00.000-05:00

last week
amid the tragedy
some good news
filtered in

my all time favorite artist
some might say my sister
(in Christ)
amy grant
is releasing new music

yippee!!!
i'm a happy girl

somewhere down the road
releases on march 30

i can't wait!

what do you watch?

2010-01-21T08:45:00.003-05:00

I'm still overwhelmed by the devastation in Haiti. The images and stories are beyond my wildest imagination. I encourage you to give to Compassion International. They are on the ground there and working hard at bringing relief.

But for today, I have to go to something mindless...if just to provide some mental relief for a moment.

We have settled into the new schedule on TV. I don't really seek out watching television but I have a husband who watches a lot of TV. So by default, I watch a lot of TV. We usually record the shows (thank the Lord for the invention of the DVR!!) and that cuts way down on the commercials and doesn't eat up so much time. However my son now asks me to pause "his time" whenever he wants to do something else for a minute. A little bit of education on reality vs. TV is in order, I believe. He also doesn't understand why we can't fast forward live TV. Hmmm...what an interesting generation this will be...

Anyway, we've been watching How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, American Idol, 24, and we'll watch Survivor when it starts. Hey, now that I'm thinking of it, whatever happened to The Office? We watch that too. I guess it will start soon. My better half is my TV scheduler so I guess he'll handle that.

So, what are you watching? Anything interesting?

bible study

2010-01-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

the month of december

brought about

a new bible study

the purpose of christmas

i stumbled across it

in magazine form

dvd and all

it was wonderful

the real reason

of christmas

was put in focus

and i needed that

the same resource

saddleback

has lots of other studies

so we are doing another

this one is called

life's healing choices

there is a book by john baker

with the same name

the study will be eight weeks

instead of three

like the last one

i can't wait to see how it goes

here we go....

round three

2010-01-18T07:00:00.001-05:00

out of options

he joined

so much changed

with just one signature

so proud of him

trying to make it

trying to be better

finding his own way

the first round

brought a son

born while he was

half a world away

the second time

i can't imagine

the pain of knowing

how much he would grow

now round three

and so much sadness

not sure the origin

but so sorry it is that way

in my mind

he'll always be

that little monkey boy

that i love

please Lord protect him

on this

his round three

clear the evil from his path

and help him to be safe

remind him of our love

and of your love

be with those he loves

regardless of the situation

use this time for your glory

in a way that would seem

impossible

thank you Lord

for my cousin

amen.

please give

2010-01-16T18:43:00.003-05:00

It's all I can think about. I'm on the edge of my seat for every update.

Some Compassion staff from the Dominican Republic went in on foot to assess the situation. It is worse than we are seeing in the news. I cannot imagine.

So many need help. Please give to the Compassion Haiti Relief Fund.

They are going to need so much and every single cent will count. I promise.

It is difficult to track the children with all the chaos.

All I know for sure is that every situation there is in desperate need of God.

Keep praying.

juxtaposition

2010-01-15T07:00:00.003-05:00

sitting in the doctor's office

in the care of wonderful people

thinking about the Haiti earthquake

and all the devastation

I realized how lucky I am

that no matter what is wrong

I have someone who can help me

ever since my involvement with Compassion

I've been a lot more aware

of the world around us

just how much poverty and need is out there

my heart breaks a little easier

my prayers become a little more urgent

and my priorities are different

materialistically

I view things a lot differently

and it's difficult for me to reconcile

some of our country's reckless spending

no, I'm not immune to wanting

and no, I haven't abandoned my love of gadgets

but sometimes I sincerely struggle

with the luxury of having so much

and so it was this morning

at the doctor's office

where i said a prayer of thanks

but also a prayer of need

a need for humbleness

to not take so many things for granted

to be aware of all my blessings

for discipline to be a good steward

but most of all

my prayer was for Haiti

please give to the Compassion Haiti Earthquake Response Fund

Compassion is uniquely embedded in the lives of those in Haiti

over 65,000 children are served by Compassion through the local churches

they anticipate many deaths and thousands of children who will have lost everything

Their ministry is full of integrity and your money will really go to those in need

please continue to pray

thanks

29 years...wow

2010-01-14T07:00:00.001-05:00

29 years ago

this fall

seems like

such a long time ago

but one look

at my friend

and i am transported

back there again

memory is a funny thing

and while specific memories

elude me

she is my childhood to me

there are few memories

prior to the time

when her family

came to mean so much

hours upon hours

were spent together

an annie record

cabbage patch dolls

and even her brother's he-man set

time had taken us

down different paths

and then one spectacular day

we came across each other again

that was a few years ago

and i am still so thrilled

that we are

back in each other's lives

life is busy

and sometimes it goes awhile

before we catch up again

but we always do

and i'm five years old again

happy birthday, friend. :)

there are no coincidences...

2010-01-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

many miles away from here

lives a little boy

who is very much

a part of my heart

when prayers are said

for my own children

he stands among them

and receives the same

in a world

where money is

the insatiable hunger

his letters are my gold

my soul's alarm

resounds within me

and i know

a letter will await me

it's happened four times now

and each time

i am no less amazed

than the last

yesterday was such a day

the alarm inside

the familiar envelope

news from a distant land

his mother's familiar handwriting

ran across the page

so glad to see it was hers

after two letters of someone else's

our family rejoiced

that their family was well

a few of us prayed

right then and there

later that night

news of an earthquake

in a neighboring country

felt far and wide

warnings of a possible tsunami

quickened my heart

trying to recall

just how far inland he lived

with God

i feel there are no coincidences

he has his hand

in everything

my golden letter

written in october

my soul's alarm

telling me to pray

just in time for an earthquake

and questions of safety

there are no coincidences...

please join me in prayer

heavenly father

we ask that you place your hand of peace

on the people who need you

especially the people involved in the earthquake

please be with the ones

whose questions won't be immediately answered

be with the ones who need your grace

please father protect them

in jesus' holy name

amen.

remember me?

2010-01-12T19:34:00.008-05:00

Well, hello there! Long time, no posting. You know me. The writing vibe - it comes and it goes....

So, a little catch up...

Merry Christmas!

Decorating the tree. Notice the super cool fort in the background. :)

Happy New Year!

Our family tradition is to go to a movie on New Year's Eve.

Ryan lost his tooth. And another one since then.

Great pic, I know. This was my third try!

We've spent the first half of January trying to get back into the swing of things. It's been a little rough. But finally, if you don't count that I forgot to give Little Man breakfast this morning, everything is back on track. Ready or not!

Hopefully I'll be around more often...the key word being hopefully. I pray all is well with you and your family. Take care!

By the way, Happy Birthday to my godmother...she's been gone almost 18 years but she'll never be forgotten...

first loose tooth

2009-11-08T20:29:00.002-05:00

Compassion Bloggers Trip Widget (Facebook, Myspace, Blogs)

2009-11-07T11:26:00.001-05:00

ten seconds from tears

2009-10-08T09:30:00.002-04:00

Watching the rain come down this morning, I'm reminded of something I heard this past weekend. I had the privilege of hearing Wess Stafford speak. He's the President and CEO of Compassion International. He's also the author of Too Small to Ignore. He was talking about why he has such a big heart for the children of Compassion. His story is outlined in his book and it's amazing. A true testament of the power of God's saving grace. And as he was speaking, he got choked up. He said he is never more than ten seconds from tears. With his tender heart, the water line stays right at nose level. I was so delighted to be in the presence of someone else who has the same reaction to the children of Compassion. I get choked up or teary-eyed when I hear about these children or see pictures of them. They are intricately connected to my heart. I am usually never more than ten seconds from tears, especially when we are talking about these precious children.

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

a piece of cake

2009-10-06T09:56:00.003-04:00

There was so much information given, I don't remember who said the following quote - but I loved it.

"When our love isn’t strong enough, Christ’s love takes over and loves for us. When we aren’t strong enough, Christ is the only strength we need."

I have a really bad habit of not getting involved in something because I don't feel like I can take the task to completion. Or the situation may get "messier" than I would like. This statement reassured me. If God is calling me to something, He isn't going to leave me hanging out there all alone. When my skill-set is maxed, God steps in and through the power of Jesus Christ, He takes over. How freeing! And really, it's all about God in the first place. I am just the vehicle He is choosing to use for a particular task. I think once that truth is planted firmly inside, the rest is just a piece of cake.

Show up. If you feel the nudge, DO IT. God will be there.

I always liked cake. :)

this is the air I breathe

2009-10-03T00:45:00.006-04:00

Being at this altitude, I wondered if I would struggle to breathe. I have asthma and while it doesn't flare up much in my hometown, I thought it was a good possibility here in Colorado.

My fears weren't completely unfounded. I'm not short of breath but I feel the heaviness of breathing in my chest. The smallest exertion - like carrying my suitcase - makes me pretty winded. So while it isn't a struggle, I definitely notice the effort my body is putting forth to fill my lungs.

Last night, at the opening session, we heard Wess Stafford speak. Very moving. He put forth a personal challenge of forgiveness. Which struck me because this is something God had already been working in my life.

Then we sang a song - " This is the air I breathe". There is a line in it about being desperate for God. With being so aware about the air I am breathing and the effort it is taking, I fully understood the desperation of needing God as I need to breathe. He is the very air I breathe. He is what is inside of me, making me alive. Just as I need my body to push air into my lungs, I need my sweet Lord.

It was such a vivid picture for me. I'm so thankful that He took my struggle, my fear and turned it into a wonderful lesson on the critical need for total dependence on Him.

In addition, and not just a little off track, I was led to pray for my family last night. To declare in the name of Jesus Christ that Satan has no place among them, among us. That we will be a God seeking family. That I will be the love of Christ to them. That I will honor their God given gifts and not impose my human judgements upon them. That I will be encouraging and uplifting. That God will make me the mean mom when necessary but that only kindness will remain.

It was an emotional night. A big night spiritually. One that I felt was a culmination of many small steps and nudges over a very long period of time.

A collision of mercy, forgiveness, and the Holy Spirit. Hallelujah. Amen.

2 more days!

2009-09-29T22:52:00.002-04:00

Stay tuned! In TWO days, I'm off to the Advocate National Conference for Compassion International!!! I am SO excited. It's in Colorado and I've never been there. I'll be sure to post while I'm gone and share all the GOOD stuff!!

I ask for your prayers - for travel mercies and for the clarity that only God can give. I want to be able to take it all in and not be overwhelmed with information.

Oh, and pray for the children of Compassion - because that's what it's all about!

Thanks and talk to you soon...from Colorado!

hiya

2009-09-14T15:21:00.003-04:00

Is it just me or is life a bit crazy right now?

I'm standing at the store, restoring my phone. It decided to go crazy too and I realized just to what extent I was (am) addicted to my phone. See, when I got my phone, I decided to use it as my calendar too. Now, I'm a paper person so this was a BIG adjustment for me. And, yes, my calendar is on my computer but I need it in my hand, on the road, where the heck am I going? So the past few days have been a bit like I'm missing my hand. Not the one I write with, but close enough. :)

So while I love the technology of my phone, it stinks right about now. I'm waiting...waiting...waiting...for it to download whatever lovely thing it needs to work again. So what better time to update my blog. Free internet - check. Free time (even if it is unwanted) - check. My trusty computer - check. So here we are....

The kids are doing well in school. Little Man still petitions for half day school on a regular basis (no such luck, kiddo) and Baby Girl is super busy with soccer AND cross country. I have no idea how she runs so much but you go, girl! She had her first meet on Saturday and she ran two miles in 18 minutes. With only a week of training. After three quarters of a soccer game. Wonder woman. :)

Handsome is gearing up to travel for work. He has to go on three trips in the span of three weeks. That's a lot. And I squeeze in a trip to Colorado in there. Busy, busy, busy. Reminding myself for the millionth time that these are the good days.

I look forward to going to Colorado. I've never been west of Illinois. Unless you count the week at Young Life camp in Minnesota. I hear it is beautiful. I can't wait to learn more about Compassion and to see all the things they are up to. I'll definitely try to post while I'm out there. Especially pictures.

(halfway on the restore...in case you were wondering...)

Is anyone else excited that the Fall TV shows are about to start? I'm not a big TV watcher but my husband has gotten me hooked on a few shows. Plus I'm curious to see what Jay Leno has up his sleeve. To be honest, I'll just be glad to watch something other than football. I know it just started and all, but well, it isn't my favorite thing to watch and our tv is full of it these days.

Wow, that halfway went to complete in a very short time....not that I'm complaining!! I gotta run but I will try to post again soon!!! I'm not even going to stop and read this through first, just post it (might be a mistake!!) so if there are errors, sorry!

God bless!

jpg - beauty

2009-08-29T20:09:00.002-04:00

Headed home from a Compassion Advocate picnic. Beautiful sunset...
Thank you God for great weather, inspiring fellowship, and good
prayers for children who need it.

snapshot of 1st grade

2009-08-26T09:28:00.001-04:00

the jerk and mr. potter

2009-07-15T11:45:00.002-04:00

excuse me

if this ends up sounding

a little incoherent

but i spent most of last night

in a movie theater

with fans way more dedicated

than myself

whose bright idea was it

to premiere a movie

at midnight

even with all the hoopla

i saw at least two people sleeping

that's an expensive nap

so what was i doing there?

baby girl and her step sister

really really wanted to go

and while i usually say no

to wild adventures in the night

i couldn't think of a good enough reason

to say no

so off we went

in the middle of the night

to see mr. potter

and his friends

on their latest adventure

i think they thanked me

a couple hundred times

they sure enjoyed themselves

even though the events of the movie

devastated one of them

luckily i ordered the tickets online

because when we got there

all 14 theaters showing mr. potter

were sold out

arriving a little over an hour early

and finding a seat was still difficult

the girls ended up sitting two rows back

together

and i took the single spot

next to a handicap slot

knowing i'd give it up should someone need it

you get to do a lot of people watching

when you have little else to do

for an hour

and there were interesting people galore

there was a man there with his two children

the kids were maybe 8 and 11

a boy and a girl

well this man confronted these two young guys

that were sitting in my handicap row

in two of the seats

he told them he thought they shouldn't be sitting there

the one young guy tried to explain

and was real respectful, calling the other guy sir

but the man got all up in the guy's face

and was yelling at him

mind you, his two children are watching all of this

the young guy wasn't able to tell his side of the story

although he sure tried

and the man finally backed down

and went back to his seat by his children

about this time

a young girl comes in with a couple friends and her mom

she's maybe a senior in high school

and she's trying to find a seat

the man bullies a few other young guys

about the empty seats next to them

and tells the girl she can sit there with her group

the girl gushes all over the place

and thanks him

i'm silently repulsed

the man proceeds to buy this girl a Coke

when he goes to buy $20 worth of candy for his kids

and won't take the money she tries to pay him back

i'm wondering why in the world

the girl's mom is allowing this to go on

again, this man's children are watching every move

and he was creepy

i caught him staring at the girl

at least a half dozen times

creepy, i tell you

but harmless with so many people around

thank goodness

i just silently observe

so the movie is getting ready to start

and the young guys in the handicap row with me

realize there is one empty seat

behind them

so the guy who was confronted

tells them to save the seat for him

and takes off out of the theater

after a little while

he returns

with two of his friends

one of them is in a wheelchair

and even as they roll over my toe

getting this guy to the spot two seats down from me

i was so excited

that this young guy got the last word

and he didn't have to say anything at all

rambling...

2009-07-10T09:40:00.004-04:00

Wow. I just reread the last three posts and can you say melodramatic?! I don't know why birthdays and holidays bring out the blues in me. They just do. And with the blues, comes the desire to write. Strange the way my brain and heart work.

The people across the street are getting a new roof. So for the past couple of days, I've been awaken to the sound of tap, tap, tap hammers and the whirl of a circular saw. Wish the extreme makeover was happening over here. But then it wouldn't just be a tap - it would be a full blown BANG BANG BANG! So maybe it's okay that it isn't happening here...

Made my reservation for the Compassion National Conference. I don't know if I've mentioned yet that I am an advocate for Compassion. Basically, it's a volunteer position where you just try to get the word out about Compassion and try to get children sponsored. I'm amazed at this ministry and really would like to get even more involved. I'd love to go on a trip with them because I so firmly believe in what they are doing. I want to see it first hand. Anyway, if you haven't heard of Compassion, check it out! And if you are ready to sponsor a child, click here. Or click on that Compassion picture there in my sidebar.

Okay, okay, off my soapbox now...last night, I had some extra fruit from my fruit salad at lunch so I decided to make a smoothie. My favorite drink at UDF (a local ice cream shop/gas station) is a strawberry freeze. All they put in it is strawberry sherbet and fruit punch or lemonade. I can do that! So I bought some raspberry sherbet (couldn't find strawberry) and some fruit punch. I've been having fun experimenting. Last night's smoothie had about a half-cup of blueberries, half-cup of strawberries, a few raspberries, a cut-up banana, a little fruit punch and a lotta raspberry sherbet (fat free!). I just blended it all together and kept adding the sherbet until it was as thick as I wanted. It was SO good!! We will definitely be doing that again!

Well, I'm going to go start enjoying my Friday. So excited that the weekend is here! Hope everyone has a good one!

13

2009-07-06T20:30:00.001-04:00

somehow

all those years ago

sitting in the lawyer's office

it never crossed my mind

that her birthday was in the summer

when he was given summer custody

and while the list of negatives

is longer than my arm

i would have to say

that by far the worst

is trying to make things fair

and make her happy

on her birthday

because i'm the one who birthed her

and i miss spending time with her

on her birthday

go figure

the past few years

have been better

than the ones before

but sharing is rough

and to be honest

i'm not very good at it

this year

we had all weekend

and although her birthday

is tomorrow

i was blessed to have two whole days

to soak up the last of twelve

and stare thirteen in the face

a steak

cake

banners

balloons

confetti (!!)

a new phone

tickets to a water park

and a basket of "girl stuff"

(as the six year old boy said)

not to mention a surprise gift card

and another one slips by

2009-07-04T23:55:00.002-04:00

outside the window

darkness

each explosion

lights the silhouettes

i peek out

checking on children

watching grown men

act like little boys

i only count one child

and begin to panic

looking for child

number two

an explosion in the sky

and then a sparkler

illuminates her eyes

and her long legs

and once again

i realize

she is no longer a child

although my heart says she is

happy 4th

last day of kindergarten

2009-06-10T09:56:00.001-04:00

It seems only yesterday that we dropped him off for his first day of big boy school. And today is the last day. Next year starts full days, no lunches with Mom, and two trips on the big yellow cheese. He seems ready, but am I?

singing

2009-05-26T22:36:00.003-04:00

Had to go to the Post Office by my work today and it was interesting. I work in a unique part of town; lots of local history, lots of different walks of life. It has a downtown, urban feel but just up the street, it's suburbia. Anyway, the Post Office has been there for years and years. As I waited my turn, I enjoyed the old pictures on the wall of past employees. And I do mean PAST employees...these had to be from almost 100 years ago.

I was waiting in line because there was this nice, eccentric, older woman in front of me. Her clothes were a bit worn and her gray-streaked hair was loosely pulled up in a bun. She had a blister on her thumb (cleaning? sewing?) and her shoes didn't fit quite right. She was buying money orders. The clerk was speaking a little bit loud and I couldn't quite figure out if she normally did that or if the lady was hard of hearing. I'm thinking it was a little of both. The lady bought two money orders and then couldn't decide why she had so much money left over. Then she remembered she needed another money order. I work at a bank. We get this type of customer a lot. Especially in this particular neighborhood. I always try to have lots of patience with them, because, let's face it, that is going to be me someday and I sure hope someone is patient with me.

So the woman gets her money orders and moves out to the counter in the lobby area. I get my stamps and the only place to stand to put them on the envelopes is at the same counter in the lobby area. There's plenty of room but I just take the very edge, steering clear of the money order lady. I began stamping my envelopes and from two feet away, she starts saying that she should have used the counter inside the Post Office so that I would have more room. I assured her I was fine. Then she said it again. And again. Each time, I assure her that I'm fine. In the meantime, I'm putting stamps on as fast as I can to get the heck out of there because I was obviously distressing her a bit. Then out of nowhere, she begins to sing. LOUDLY. And it was pretty. She sounded like she was on stage giving a performance. I have no idea what song she was singing, something along the lines of black witchcraft and white witchcraft. ??? But she had a beautiful voice. It was so shocking to me that she was singing so loudly, and so much, but once I recovered from the shock, I actually enjoyed it.

I was thankful for the reminder today that when your soul feels like singing, you should just let it on out. Someone might think you are a little loose in the head. But someone just might get a big ole blessing out of it. Thank you, Lord, for helping me put my priorities in the right place today and for helping me see the joy in that older woman's soul today. I needed that.

new! amy! grant! music!

2009-05-06T20:09:00.004-04:00

If you know me at all, you know I am the HUGEST Amy Grant fan. Well, I'm not huge but you know what I mean. I have a special bloggy label just for her and everything! I got an email the other day informing me that not only does Amy Grant have a new web design - because you know that's big news around here - but she also has new! music! available! Click here to check it out. Go on...you know I'm going to be talking about it so you'll want to know what all the hype is about! Haha...

Wait...what are you still doing here? Go! It's that good!!!

note to self...

2009-05-04T21:49:00.003-04:00

...when your son asks for lego sets for his birthday, he'll rope you into building them. Which sounds fun at first, but after three hours and fifteen minutes - not so much. Your neck muscles will scream at you the rest of the day, but it will be so worth it to see him flying a starship through the air and escaping the bad guys in an old Russian car.

...toll booth operators are a funny lot. Some sing to themselves, or rather, to you. Some don't even say hi. Some wear gloves (nasty money!) and some are very friendly. Others not so much. It was interesting (especially the very LOUD singer...)

...preteens' feet stink. Especially in a closed in, air-conditioned van. For hours. That's all I have to say about that.

...now that the sixth birthday is over, take this time to prepare for the next one...thirteen! Here we go.......(I'm SO not ready for this!)

top of the world

2009-05-02T21:34:00.001-04:00

Top of the ferris wheel on the Navy Pier. Ah, blue water....

six

2009-04-30T10:24:00.002-04:00

after months of counting down

the prestigious sixth birthday

is just around the bend

he's so excited

and i'm wondering

just where the time has gone

some days so big

yet still glimpses of the little boy

i rocked to sleep at night

i pray those little windows

of joyful bonding

are always there

even when he towers over me

and oh, he will

(doesn't everyone?)

in the middle of the everyday

i wonder and pray for the end

for a time when the quiet will win out

but on days like today

rainy and introspective

on the cusp of another milestone

i know that one day soon

i will long for the noise

for the spontaneous kisses

for the crashing of trucks

for the sounds of batman fighting robin

for the requests to watch video clips

for the mischievous-ness that is my son today

for the song dedications

for the notes on dry erase boards

for the reading of books

for the intimacy of sharing every day together

there will be a day

when i want nothing more than this

and that day is not far away....

good times

2009-04-25T18:46:00.004-04:00

well hey there

long time no talk

i hate that slacker part of me

i always come back

and make promises for more

then fail

agh - frustrating

so no more promises

just me

today is a beautiful day

all of God's creatures

singing in delight

i'm watching

a game of toss

between my two favorite boys

sitting outside

enjoying the warm sun

feeling the wind blow by

thinking about a handful of people

who are halfway across the world

and wondering how life is for them today

another group of compassion bloggers

are on a trip

this time to india

i know God will move

i know lives will be changed

and i pray lots of kids get sponsored

business trip tomorrow

never get used to it

neither of us do

the flurry of laundry

and last minute purchases

packing

and this time

a day later

we'll hurry and pack

headed out

for a little family vacation

to celebrate a sixth birthday

busy times

tired times

good times...

jpg - sunrise

2009-03-21T07:31:00.002-04:00

jpg - refuge

2009-02-25T20:34:00.001-05:00

Little Man had bad dreams a couple of nights ago. Handsome was just
the refuge he needed. What a wonderful earthly reminder of what God
wants to do for us! Oh, and what a great photo opportunity of my
boys. :)

my new happy place

2009-02-23T22:57:00.002-05:00

jpg - divine appontment

2009-02-20T12:35:00.002-05:00

Due to the nature of my work (banking), I get to know some families
pretty well. I became aquainted with this one family when I first
started at a new branch about eight years ago. The dad started a
realty company back in the 60's that the grown son is now running. The
son has been our realtor for both houses that we've bought. Anyway,
the mom and dad were still very involved and often came in the bank on
company (and personal) business. Then the dad passed away a few years
ago and I went to the funeral. It was more for the son, of course,
although I knew alot of the family by then.

Skip ahead a few years and my uncle dies. Late last year, I'm sorting
through some things and I come across a piece of an old newspaper.
Actually, the newspaper was wrapped around a glass object and being
that "old stuff" interests me, I opened it to read it. It was dated
1965 and was full of car ads and classifieds advertising homes for
sale. Boy, they seemed cheap! Compared to today's prices anyway. So, I
see a few houses listed by the company that my friend's dad started. I
decided to save the paper to show him (and that's just the kind of
thing that's making this sorting process take forever! But it is the
coolest part!). I put it in a bag in the garage and promptly forgot
about it.

A couple of weeks ago, Handsome and I decided to clean out the garage.
I went through some stuff from my uncle's and came across the
newspaper again. I brought it in the house and put it in my work bag
to pass on the next time I went to work. That was yesterday.

I work at a different branch now so I put it in the interoffice mail.
They received it and the guy happened to come in. They showed him the
paper and he was a little taken aback. Why?

His father died two years ago yesterday. Exactly.

How cool is it that I had that paper for months but God arranged for
it all to pan out yesterday? Even neater is that this guy totally
recognized the fact that it was a God thing.

God makes divine appointments all the time. All you have to do is
listen and show up.

And then be blown away - like I still am today! Praise God!

snowed in

2009-01-28T16:31:00.000-05:00

Here's a picture from this morning, looking out our back door...

Yeah, that's at least six inches of snow on the picnic table. And there's a good deal of ice too. Looks like I'm not going anywhere today. That's okay, because that gives me time to do this....

What laundry? :)

ragged squares

2009-01-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

Here is the quilt that inspired the pillow pattern. I got the pattern from crazy mom quilts. I love her quilts! This quilt is called a ragged squares quilt and it is in the process of being basted in this picture. I actually have about half of it quilted already but I had to take a break to work on the pillows. I haven't started working on it again yet because I am working on a project for a set of twins that will be born sometime next month. I'll share that with you soon too.... (Are you bored yet?)

christmas sewing

2009-01-26T08:00:00.002-05:00

I said that I would get around to showing what I made for Christmas presents this year. And whether it takes me one day or say, 40, I'll always do what I say. :) So, now that Christmas is but a memory (and we FINALLY got rid of the tree today), here are the things I made.

They are quilted pillows. I have been getting into quilting and knew I couldn't possibly get a whole quilt finished in time for Christmas. But I took an idea from a quilt I am making (pictures of that to follow...) and adapted it to make a few pillows. The red one was for my sister-in-law, the blue for my mom, and the green for my mother-in-law. I assembled the front panel like you would a quilt square, then basted the quilt square with batting and a back. I machine quilted it and then attached it to a matching back. I inserted a pillow form and stitched the bottom closed. They aren't perfect but for my first try at sewing and for not having a pattern, I think they turned out alright. And best of all, I think the recipients liked them. That's all that mattered to me. :)

jpg - unity

2009-01-24T16:53:00.002-05:00

little man's take on Martin Luther King, Jr. and the inauguration...

...everyone happy together.

amen.

peanut butter jelly

2009-01-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

i don't know how it started
(i'm sure my husband remembers)
but somewhere along the way
our family began singing
that annoying song about
peanut butter and jelly

i don't know
if we sing the right words
but there's even mention
of a baseball bat
which totally cemented the deal
in our family

anyway
the song evolved and
peanut butter jelly time
now means one on one time
for handsome and little man

not to be outdone
and feeling a little left out
the girls of the family
(that would be me and baby girl)
came up with our own
ketchup and mustard time

so now there can be
peanut butter ketchup time
ketchup and jelly time
peanut butter mustard time
and so on

in the shower yesterday
after i was all prayed up
(what? you don't pray in the shower?)
i was solving the world's problems
(seriously, if I had waterproof paper
i could prove my genius
but it all leaves my brain
the moment my foot hits the tile)
i contemplated
the peanut butter jelly assignments
and they are remarkably accurate

handsome is the peanut butter
keeping our little family
all stuck together

little man is the jelly
sweetness that none of us
can resist

i'm the ketchup
it goes well
with just about anything

and baby girl is the mustard
a little tangy and sometimes spicy
but still very well-loved

just an interesting observation
from this quirky little brain of mine

now i've got to run
it's ketchup and jelly time...

remembering

2009-01-13T01:46:00.002-05:00

when i was growing up
this week of january
was a pretty good one

the after christmas blahs
would have settled in nicely
the plethora of new toys grown old

and along came two birthdays
my godmother's and my best friend's
a day apart from each other

i knew there would be cake
and probably a birthday party or two
to herald their new year

every year i'd count
as the years added up
in my godmother's age

the numbers seemed so far
from that of my best friend's
(and soon my own)

how i grieved
the summer the numbers stopped
for my godmother

but lately
more than i have in a long time
i miss her

i think it's the sewing
yeah, me, sewing
she'd be surprised too

so many days
i sat at her feet
as she sewed and quilted

i wish i would have paid closer attention

quite a few times
in the past couple of months
i wished for her advice
her knowledge and skill
her friendship and love

now don't get me wrong
my mom sews a mean stitch
my mother-in-law too

and they would be willing
to guide me along
as i rip out seam after seam

it's just that
for me
sewing means my godmother

and now that i'm actually doing it
it would be great
to share it with her

she filled the empty spots
in my childhood
the memories are so rich

the hole she left in my life
when she died
just got a little bigger

good thing i know how to sew

now that's me...

2009-01-10T17:51:00.003-05:00

i have this picture
it's cut from the newspaper
a comic strip really
by a local guy

it's a guy and his mom
sitting facing each other
and both of them
are saying the same thing

i can see you and
i can hear you
yet i cannot comprehend
anything that you say or do

that pretty much sums up
the way things are with
my daughter these days

it would be easier
i think
if she was just spiteful
all the time

but instead
glimpses of that sweet girl
peek through
when i least expect it

and i mourn the loss
of my little girl
again

i remember being
12
it wasn't all that fun
and it was hard

and i'm sure
i took it out on my mom
because she couldn't possibly
know how i was feeling

and now that's me
the one who doesn't know
who can't understand
yet i do

and it's also me
that is supposed to
encourage yet discourage
guide yet allow independence
be open yet closed
set rules yet compromise

and pray

pray hard.

jpg - my guitar hero

2009-01-04T16:11:00.002-05:00

jpg - my movie date

2008-12-31T20:43:00.002-05:00

jpg - little feet

2008-12-29T17:57:00.002-05:00

jpg - capitol sky

2008-12-26T17:16:00.001-05:00

jpg - friends

2008-12-23T14:29:00.001-05:00

jpg - deer

2008-12-17T09:54:00.002-05:00

Look carefully. A friend came to visit on a snowy day.

jpg - christmas tree

2008-12-13T17:49:00.001-05:00

jpg - sunset

2008-12-11T22:40:00.001-05:00

Again, hard to capture His majesty in a photograph. The colors were
brillant!

jpg - singing

2008-12-10T09:39:00.002-05:00

It was coming from this direction...

I couldn't capture a picture of the birds singing but I could sure
hear them this morning. After a week of really cold weather and our
first snow of the season, the weather warmed up late yesterday. And
this morning, I was surprised to hear the sweet sound of singing
birds. Beautiful!

jpg - the want to

2008-12-04T23:38:00.002-05:00

Little man got a new book from the book fair at his school. Tonight,
before bed, he wanted to "read" his new book. He's learned to read a
lot of words lately but this book is a little too hard just yet. But
that did not deter him. He would turn a page and study it for a few
minutes - "reading" - and then go to the next page. I was amazed at
how many words were on the pages below. Very few pictures yet he
looked at this page for a long time. Reading. Or sure having the want
to.

I can't help but make the connection between this and having faith in God. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions of believing God is there, even if you don't have the feelings or the proof to go along with it. God is always faithful, never forsaking. And before you know it, you'll wonder why you ever doubted.

Sometimes all you need is the want to.

jpg - discovery

2008-12-02T15:59:00.002-05:00

jpg - generations

2008-12-01T12:48:00.004-05:00

Welcome to the first edition of JPG!

Christmas came a little early for me this year and I got a new cell phone over the weekend. I'm excited because we switched providers and the one we are on now supports mobile blogging! That means I can send pictures from my phone straight to my blog! Ah, technology... That's where JPG comes in. I intend to post a daily photo that brings me joy. JPG stands for Joy Per God. Holman Bible Dictionary defines joy as "the fruit of a right relation with God. It is not something people can create by their own efforts." Joy comes from God; it is different than pleasure. Pleasure is something we seek for ourselves.

My hope is to share a picture of something that reminds me of the joy that God has put in my heart. Some days it may be a reminder that God has me right where I am supposed to be. Other days it may be something in nature that glorifies his majesty. And still other days, it may just be for fun. Who knows? Most of the time, it will be just the picture but occasionally I might get long-winded about it (like today). I'm excited to see where this takes me.

This first picture is of my mother-in-law showing my son a sign that is posted by her childhood home. It is a memorial to her grandparents and she was reading it to him and explaining who those people were to him. It touched my heart to see all those generations lining up with one another.

Hopefully, I'll post another picture tomorrow...

emotions vs. faith

2008-11-19T09:35:00.002-05:00

depth of my being
grounded in you
never failing
mercy and grace
sun beating down
reassuring
i know you are there
come fill me up
what do you promise?
i know for sure
to be by my side
never forsaking
suffering may happen
not just to me but
for someone else's greater good
even in times of trial
trusting in you
believing it's of you
knowing you are good
knowing i stand in you
regardless of how it feels
forever.

children of the world children's choir

2008-11-13T09:54:00.003-05:00

I saw these children perform last month at a women's conference. Every time they would sing, I would get goose bumps. The tears would just well up in my eyes and stream down my face. The joy in which they perform for the Lord is just a blessing to me and I hope they are to you too.

If you'd like to learn more about them, click here. There are more videos on that website and also a few more on YouTube, if you are interested.

God bless!

birthday time

2008-11-10T09:54:00.001-05:00

Just a quick post to say Happy Birthday to my better half!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!

hope

2008-11-07T14:54:00.002-05:00

I've spent the last hour reading blogs from the Compassion Bloggers who have traveled to the Dominican Republic this week. I knew that they were going and have been praying for them. Yet I hesitated to read their blogs because I knew they would make me cry. And they did. Because there is so much need there, so much poverty. But I was surprised to see how much hope Compassion gives these children. I saw so many beautiful smiles and loving hugs. It struck me that these are just regular children, looking for love. While it made me sad and happy at the same time, it made me want to shout from the mountains that Jesus loves all these little children. It made me uncomfortable with the excess that is our country. It amazes me at how little it takes to make such a big difference.

I'll be honest. I applied to go on this trip to the Dominican. Our family sponsors a little boy there and I was interested to see where he was from. I wasn't picked - it wasn't my time to go. I was disappointed but God has truly revealed some things about my motives in the last few weeks. I understand it so much better now. I wanted to go for me. And the truth of the matter is, I have to want to go for them. Because it is all about them. About showering them with the hope and love of Jesus Christ. Sometimes that's all these children and their families have.

I know there are skeptics out there who wonder if the money really goes where it says it will and if the children really benefit. Trips like the one to the Dominican prove to me that it's all as Compassion says it is. But more than that, I challenge you to place it in God's hands. Because to me, acting out of fear by doing nothing robs God of the chance to show just how mighty He is.

So, please, go look at the pictures. Go read the blogs. Most of all, cast your fears aside and sponsor a child. Give hope today.

the park

2008-11-05T08:20:00.001-05:00

feet rustle leaves
rain down from above
trees towering overhead

sea of green
covered in gold
baked in the sun

month in pictures

2008-11-04T14:18:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know it's been more than a month since I've posted. The words just didn't flow for me there for a while...and now they are so stacked on top of each other that I can't figure out just what to post! I'll start off with some pictures while I figure it out...

Can you tell me who this is? (Anna, you can't guess because you used your photography skills taking the picture!) I went to a Christian Women's Conference and met this lady. Here's a hint: She writes some AWESOME books...
**edited to add: It's Karen Kingsbury.

Baby Girl got the distinct pleasure of cleaning all the seeds and goop out of the pumpkin.

This is Dr. Little Man, our emergency room doctor. Oh, and that's a shaker he made in class. Nothing like a doctor who can keep the beat! :)

This is the picture out my back door. It's actually my neighbor's yard. I love Fall.

wordless wednesday

2008-10-01T20:31:00.002-04:00

If you know me at all, you know I can't be totally wordless! Carrying the three month old little one around this week made me think of the last time I did this for one of my own. I found this picture and just can't believe how little he once was. :)

the good years

2008-09-25T10:24:00.003-04:00

busy week
adjusting
to another little one
three months old

whew
i forgot
how much babies need
but oh, how cute

she'll be spending
the first three days
of the week with me
and half of thursday

so far so good
the boys are in love
and want her to play
unsure why she can't

she was cooing
(oh what a sound!)
and i said she was talking
monkey man wanted to know
why he couldn't understand her
if she was talking and all

very logical
these boys are
and trying to explain
well, it was beyond me

so that's what's going on
around here
little poochy cheeks to kiss
boys that are growing so fast
seventh grade missing assignments
soccer games and cross country practice

and one tired mommy

but these
yes
these are the good years

irony

2008-09-19T11:07:00.003-04:00

little man
went back to school
today
finally

and he was not happy

neither was baby girl
when she went back
a few days ago

she decided
she wanted to protest
electricity
after it came back on

she organized this protest
in her mind
as she had her hair straightened
by her friend
using an outside plug

she lives in a world of irony
that girl does

but the drama
of the power outage
now drifts into history
at least around here

now it's full steam ahead
into autumn
the leaves that clung so tight
will now freely fall

again
the irony...

trapping mice in the dark

2008-09-16T15:24:00.002-04:00

the wind storm began
on sunday afternoon
and by evening
more than half of the city
was without power

and this is a big city

stores were closed
schools canceled
gas stations ran out of gas
trees blocked roads
power lines were down

hurricane ike
reared his ugly head
all the way up here
in ohio

i cannot even imagine
what's going on in texas

we went without power
for almost exactly
48 hours
a very long 48 hours

little man wanted
to watch a movie
and after explaining
that electricity
makes the tv work
he wanted to know why
the electricity was still broken
since the wind had stopped blowing

and then he went on
to ask for a movie
five or six or a hundred
more times

it's amazing how much
we rely on technology
in every day life anymore
the kids seemed like
boats set adrift
without tv
video games
and dvd players

opened my eyes for sure

we had some good family time
grilled the meat from the freezer
(we still lost most of it
and all of the frig stuff too)
and just enjoyed each other
by candlelight

and my saving grace
was my favorite game as a kid
baby girl and I rediscovered the game
mouse trap
in the waning daylight
of the first day
with no power

the contraption
as little man called it
was awesome
and hours were spent
trapping those mice

i never knew i'd have so much fun
trapping mice in the dark
but i sure did

really real

2008-09-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

Sponsoring a child through Compassion International had been on my heart for awhile. There just never seemed to be money in the budget to do it. I'd go through the pages of children on Compassion's website and feel the pinch in my heart that I couldn't help ALL of them, let alone just one. I mean, we were rebounding from having two mortgages for two years and it just wasn't feasible. Or was it?

The entire time we were under the crunch of having both mortgages, we were never late on them. Every time I was at the end of my rope and thought we wouldn't make it, God stepped in. Every single time. Out of nowhere, we'd receive a check from something odd or a reprieve on something that was due. He was faithful. So after much prayerful consideration and discussion, we decided to be faithful to what I thought He wanted us to do. We sponsored a child.

A couple of months ago, I introduced you to Julio. I explained all of the reasons that I felt our family could use this experience, including my kids learning that others didn't have it so lucky. I also wanted to share the God-hurt I feel in my heart for people in need, especially children. I chose a child the same age as my youngest so that it might be easier for him to make a connection. But in all that, I don't think it was really real to them.

Then, last week, we got a letter! Written by his mother, it gave a better picture of who Julio is and what he likes to do. But most of all, as my husband said, it made Julio real. He watches TV, goes to school and plays baseball. Just like my kids do. He has a mommy and a daddy, a sister, and a brother on the way. My kids identify with family. Now that he is real to them, they notice the picture I put on the refrigerator door months ago. They high five the picture as they pass by. And yesterday, my son told me that Julio looks like a little boy on his soccer team. That tells me that Julio is real to him. And that makes me excited!

Because these children are real. Each child has only one sponsor. That person is able to make a real connection with the child and make such an impact on a child's whole life! That is huge. To learn more about what a sponsorship would mean to a child, click here and read about the objectives of the program. It's so much more than just meeting their physical needs. It's helping them become viable members of their society and breaking the chain of poverty. It's about showing them who Jesus Christ is and what He has done and will do for them.

Maybe you are tired of reading about this on my blog. I'm sorry. I just can't think of these little children who have no control over where they were born or whether they have money or not. I can't stand by and let them go. Some of you have said that there are children in our own country that need help, and I agree. But there are programs out there for the children here. Sponsoring a child may be the only hope for some of these children in foreign countries. And some of them have been waiting more than six months for a sponsor. Imagine them looking at the other kids and knowing they have sponsors. It's just too much for me.

If you have reservations about sponsoring, spend some time on the Compassion website or email me. I'd be glad to try to answer your questions. If I can't answer them, I'll get the answer. All I'm asking is that you think about it. Pray about it. Don't do it because I want you to, do it if God says to do it. Because ultimately, we are all real to Him.

If you already sponsor a child, blog about it or leave me a comment and let me know. I'd love to pray for all of these kids. And if you choose to sponsor a child, I'd love to know that too! If you can't sponsor a child right now, could I ask you to at least pray for Compassion International and the children waiting for sponsors? Thanks. Getting off my soapbox now...

Oh, and if you feel the need to get on your soapbox every now and then (and who doesn't?), you can sign up to blog for Compassion too. Just click here.

won't we always remember?

2008-09-11T10:11:00.004-04:00

the morning dawns
sunny and cool
a lot like that morning
seven years ago

blogged about it
two years ago
but the memories remain
no matter how long

still hard to take it in
as hubby watched
newly released footage
from that day

it was awful to hear
the sirens
as heroes rushed
to do the job they loved

so very sad to me
to now know
they would rush in
but few would come out

having been to nyc
twice now
makes the atrocity
all the more real to me

i cannot fathom
that this happened
in the grand ole us of a
land of the free

but it did
and it proved something
the mighty usa
is still the land of the brave

saying lots of prayers
for all those affected that day
and that's pretty much
everyone

be with us today
dear God
and remind us
that good trumps evil
every time
even when we question it
even when it isn't blatant
even when we hurt
You are still there
and You will be glorified
come along side of those who hurt
and give them Your peace
Your everlasting peace
amen.

monkey preschool

2008-09-03T22:53:00.002-04:00

for years now
i have waited
for those elusive minutes
to myself

today
dropping off one kid
and then another
the anticipation built up

the list of things
i could do
went on and on
but instead i went home

to an empty house

and almost lost it

how many times
in the past few years
have i looked around
and dreamed of this day?

ashamed to admit
that it was lots
and usually the requests
were more like begging prayers

so yes
i was able to breathe
a little easier today
in the silence of a few hours

but it sure was lonely

and all i really wanted to know
was when they could come out
and play again...

kindergarten

2008-08-29T10:44:00.002-04:00

This morning, Little Man made the journey that children have been making for generation after generation. He started kindergarten. It went well. I didn't cry or anything (then) but now it is sinking in... I told Handsome that as long as I look at it as just kindergarten, I am fine. But when I think about kindergarten leading to first grade and then second grade and so on, I crumble. One day at a time, one day at a time... The world is a mean place sometimes and I just wish I could shelter him from it forever. I keep reminding myself that he is God's first and therefore God will be with him (and me) today. By the way, he's the one waving in the picture below. :)

Dear Little Man,

I just can't believe you are starting kindergarten today. I am so sad but at the same time I am so happy for you. I'm sorry that the days of Mommy and Ryan, Mommy and Ryan are coming to a close. I know that you will meet many new friends and learn all kinds of neat stuff. You are so ready to be there and broaden your horizons. I just miss that precious little face here at home, as I sit here, watching the hands of the clock make their slow travel around and around. Two and a half times around and I get to see you again! I can make it!

Always try your best, little man. Be the boy that God means for you to be and you'll be just fine. Daddy and I love you very much. We are very proud of you.

Love,
Mommy

the ultimate ballpark

2008-08-24T07:09:00.000-04:00

And what started the planning of this whole trip - Yankee Stadium. The Cincinnati Reds never play the Yankees. But they did this year. And a whole lot of fans showed up. Including my two favorite fans.

And that does it. Of course we have tons more pictures but this hits the highlights.

Finished just in time for school to start. Whew!

an overview of sorts

2008-08-23T07:08:00.000-04:00

Somehow Handsome had heard about the observation deck at Rockefeller Plaza. We went in to check on the price and it was $20 for each adult and $13 for kids (well, Little Man was young enough to be free). But for more than $50, we were prepared to skip it. This kind lady came up and asked if we were planning on going up. We said no. She said that was too bad because she had two tickets to go up but didn't want to go. We quickly amended our story and told her we would be really happy to use her tickets. So we did. I love a good deal. :) Here is the view from the top. Look how big Central Park is. In the middle of major city streets. I have seen it on the map but looking at it like this is crazy. Do you see how big that lake is out there? There are even boats on it!

Of course, Little Man was hardly impressed. How could he be with new cars from the movie Cars that he got at Toys R Us? I got quite a few comments about his lack of interest. Thank goodness his admission was free!

I am drawing a blank on the name of this church. It's really famous and I'll edit it later after I ask Handsome (he remembers everything!). What I wanted to tell you about this place though is what happened when we went inside. There were two guards in the back, checking bags and asking people to remove their hats. A service was getting ready to start. It was weird because there were tourists milling around in the back and people up front getting ready for the worship service. Little Man couldn't see anything because there were so many people. The man at the front began the service by saying hello. I looked at Handsome and gestured to leave because I didn't want to be disrespectful to the service. Just at the moment, Little Man grabbed Handsome's hand and pulled him down to tell him something. And this is what Handsome heard - "Pick me up so I can see God." I don't know what he actually said, it wasn't that, but I really got a laugh out of that one. Because from his little spot on the floor and the booming voice through the microphone, I'm sure it did sound a bit like God might. :)

Are you hanging in there with me? Only a few more, I promise.

baby girl's favorite place

2008-08-22T07:07:00.001-04:00

Infamous Times Square. Baby Girl LOVED it. She said it was her kind of people. Funny thing is, she is right. Busy, busy meet busy, busy. I love this picture of two of my favorite tourists. Baby girl and I came back to Times Square the next day to go see Mary Poppins on Broadway while the boys went to Yankee Stadium. She was SO glad to come back!

This is the carousel at Toys R Us in Times Square. It is three stories tall inside the store. The kids LOVED it.

And here we are in our "car" on the carousel.

out and about

2008-08-21T07:06:00.000-04:00

We were walking down the street, headed to Wall Street, when we saw this contraption and had to take a picture. This is a parking garage. The big metal tower in the middle is an elevator of sorts. Each side of the parking garage was almost exactly two car lengths wide. They would send a car up and just put it in one of the spots. When you needed your car, they would go up and put it on the elevator and bring it down. We stood there and watched them do one of the cars. It was crazy!

Wall Street

This building was really neat. It was called Federal Hall. FULL of history! It was the first capitol of the United States and the site of George Washington's first inauguration. It also served as a Federal Reserve Bank at one time and there are still vaults in the rotunda. Very cool.

This is Trinity Church, just down from Wall Street. Another really cool historic building.

let the sightseeing begin!

2008-08-20T07:05:00.000-04:00

There was a path not far from our hotel that ran along the water. I think it was called the promenade. If you followed it all the way around, you got to see the Statue of Liberty and ended up in Battery Park, which is what we did.

This picture was taken by a policeman on horseback. He was patrolling the park and offered to take our picture. His horse was really tall. That's why we look like we are standing in a hole. We were also staring directly into the bright sun - we couldn't even see him as he took the picture. And behind Handsome's right shoulder, far in the distance, by the boat, is the Statue of Liberty. It really is there, I promise. :)

The Brooklyn Bridge, with the waterfall feature that they put on for the summer. Don't let this picture fool you - this bridge is LONG! Oh, and I took this from the South Street Seaport. Kindof a neat place too.

At this point, we had walked a LOT. We were tired. I hope you aren't tired of seeing more pictures...there are more to come! :)

welcome to nyc!

2008-08-19T07:04:00.000-04:00

This is the Holland Tunnel. It goes beneath the river? to get to New York City. Because the city is an island. How did I not manage to remember that? I'm so ignorant about geography! And the last time I was in New York City, I flew in, which should have made it all the more obvious but I guess not.

The tunnel was LONG. I took a gazillion pictures in the tunnel to take my mind off of the fact that, you know, we were UNDERWATER!

Welcome to Manhattan!

crayola factory

2008-08-18T07:03:00.000-04:00

Next stop was the Crayola Factory in Easton, Pennsylvania. Easton is a neat little town. At the Crayola Factory, there was a demonstration about how they make crayons and markers. The kids really liked that. There were many, many stations set up that the kids could use to make different craft type things.

Nice photo opportunity. :)

The top floor of the Crayola Factory was the National Canal Museum. They had a very large water table thing that had locks and canals. The kids were able to work the locks and take their boat from one end to the other. They really liked that too.

I think we actually make it to the New York City pictures tomorrow! :)

lehigh valley ironpigs

2008-08-17T21:00:00.000-04:00

The Lehigh Valley Ironpigs are a minor league baseball team located in Allentown, Pennsylvania. They have a brand new ballpark called Coca-Cola Park. Handsome was still really excited about ballparks at this point but the rest of the family, including Baseball Addict Jr. (aka Little Man), were pretty much over it. Just for the record, this is ballpark #3 so far in the trip.

hershey's chocolate world

2008-08-17T10:00:00.000-04:00

We stopped in Hershey, Pennsylvania at Hershey's Chocolate World. In the town of Hershey, all the streetlights along the main road where Hershey kisses. Some were silver like this one and some were brown. Sorry this picture is not so good - we were in the car.

The entrance to um, Hershey's Chocolate World. :)

The Hershey factory has a free tour with a sample of chocolate at the end. The kids thought it was neat. We ate dinner in the food court and wandered around the store. The parking was free for a certain amount of time (I can't remember but it was plenty). This was very family friendly, cheap outing. Of course there were PLENTY of places to spend money but it wasn't a necessity. Which was a good thing, because New York City was expensive! :)

what's the capitol of pennsylvania?

2008-08-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

The capitol of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg. Here is a picture of the State Capitol Building. I find State Capital Buildings interesting. We have quite a collection of pictures started.

And of course, there is a baseball park in downtown Harrisburg. I believe this is the one that is on and island in the middle of the river. Really neat. Commerce Bank Park is the home of the minor league team, the Harrisburg Senators. I promise that tomorrow we will move on to something other than ballparks (briefly).

vacation pics - finally!

2008-08-15T18:58:00.005-04:00

Lots of pictures to share so I'll share a few a day for the next week or so...Feel free to skip them if they are boring. :) We went to New York City for a few days but we took our time so the first few sets of pictures are places we stopped along the way.

This is Consol Energy Park, home of the Washington Wildthings, in Washington, Pennsylvania. Beware - there are a few more minor league parks coming your way! The Wildthings are part of the Frontier League (and that hopefully means something to someone, because I have no idea!).

common ground

2008-08-06T12:01:00.004-04:00

I've been waiting patiently for the magic day when I would just feel better and back to normal. I would be able to jump back into the swing of things and ta-da! it would all be smooth sailing.

Not so much. That magic day has been elusive. I do feel stronger every day and I ditched the heavy pain medicine a couple of days ago. Still have pain, but would rather know what day of the week it is and that kind of thing, if you know what I mean. And the pain isn't all that bad, really, considering the scheme of things. Have I been vague enough for you?

If so, you'll enjoy this story. The kids started soccer practice this week. Little Man was practicing in the front yard with his dad, Handsome. With one well aimed shot (or not so well aimed, you decide), Handsome was out of the game for a while. He came slowly walking into the house with Little Man trailing after him. Little Man kept asking him why he was leaving the game, it wasn't over yet! Handsome kept saying that he just needed to sit down for a minute. Little Man was clueless. I figured it out just by looking at them and in order for the game to continue, I offered to just stand in the goal (because I'm sure not running these days). As I went out the door, I asked Handsome to rescue me as soon as possible. He said that I just didn't understand. I looked at him pointedly and reassured him that I was still recovering from a surgery that clearly made me understand - if not trump - his momentary handicap.

He acquiesced. (Wow. Big word for me. It really just came to mind like that. The meds must really be gone! I surprised myself!) We were amused by the irony of his injury. By the way, he's fine. Thanks for asking. :)

Anyway, the schedule got all messed up and I have Baby Girl here with me for a few days and we've been trying to get school supplies and the like. I can only handle being gone a few hours at a time so it's been hard to accomplish much. We did get her school supplies. We also were able to get her physical so she can run cross country. But that's a whole different story for another day...

Glad to be back among the blogging...I've missed it. And yes, I promise for the second or third time, the vacation post is coming, as is one on the book I've been reading...soon...

life happened

2008-07-24T17:18:00.005-04:00

I know, I know, I promised vacation pictures and deep thinking posts not too long ago.

Life happened.

I'd been on a waiting list to have surgery. The kind of surgery isn't important (or more accurately, I don't want to go there out here on the interweb) but they called on July 1st and said I finally would be able to have it done on July 23rd.

Right smack in the middle of Vacation Bible School at our church. And I was in charge of the Preschool part of the program. Notice I say was, because although I did two days of it this week, my wonderful mom rescued me by doing the other three.

Surgery was successful and I have a long term recovery ahead of me. But at least there is light at the end of the tunnel now.

So I still will get there with the pictures and the posts. But first, let me get these pain meds out of my system. Otherwise, who knows what I will say?! It's taken me two days to get this much written, as it is.

I'll be back soon. :)

last tween year

2008-07-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

i remember
the awkwardness
of twelve

being big
but little

having my opinions
but not being heard

wanting to play with dolls
but feeling dumb for doing it

my body changing
but not making sense to me

hating the peer pressure
but not knowing how to say no

wanting to be respectful
but my mouth having other ideas

putting outfits together
but not knowing if they really match

playing with makeup
but seeing a clown in the mirror

wanting a best friend
but never knowing who i could trust

trying to be confident
but second guessing my every move

the list goes on and on
and some of them are still true

but mostly
God and i worked it all out

i'm excited to see
how God works it all out for you

my baby girl

happy number twelve

braces

2008-07-03T11:30:00.000-04:00

a trip to the orthodontist
in preparation for the big day
little rubber bands
jammed between her molars

today her mouth hurts
as the teeth protest the move
and a diet of jello and pudding
is quickly growing old

two weeks and counting
until the big day of braces
she is actually excited
in that unknown kind of way

i took a moment
to look at her smile
being with her dad for the summer
i don't see it much

(well, i don't see it much
anyway
she is almost twelve
after all)

i watched those big teeth
in her small mouth
and thought back to a time
when her teeth were small too

she'll be twelve on sunday
it's so hard for me to believe
she's almost as tall as i am
but in her mind, she's much taller

every year
as the birthdays pass
i wonder just where the time has gone
and how they got to be so big

so yes
she is excited about her braces
i'm sure the novelty will wear off
way too quickly

but for me
those braces symbolize
yet another step forward
another step in growing up

and i wonder just where oh where
my little baby girl has gone
but i look forward to watching
her blossom into a young woman of God

pretty smile and all

julio

2008-07-02T13:59:00.008-04:00

Meet Julio. He's 5 and from the Dominican Republic. He lives with his mom and dad and one sibling.

He's also the newest member of our family. Well, kinda. We are sponsoring him through Compassion International. I love their motto: Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name. How cool is that? By committing to give monthly, we help ensure that Julio will receive medical and dental care, be able to attend school, and be given at least one balanced meal a day. Most importantly, he will be involved in a program that will teach him about Jesus Christ.

For a long time now, I've had it on my heart to sponsor a child. Ever since I was a little girl, I've felt the God-hurt of compassion when I see people suffering. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I want to reach out and put my arms around them and help them know it's going to be okay. The children are what touch me the most. They have no control over their circumstances, nor do their little hearts understand what is happening. Luckily, they are resilient but that doesn't mean it's easy.

I think that if I hadn't got married and had a child so young, I would have ended up in some foreign country loving the daylights out of some kids. That's actually still a dream I have. I hope one day to have the financial resources to be able to go on mission trips. Right now, it just isn't feasible monetarily but someday. There is no fuller feeling of Christ than loving and working hard in His name. Sometimes God has to take our mistakes and make blessings out of them. And I am blessed for the road I've taken, and I wouldn't trade my daughter for all the love in the world. I'm just saying that I have always felt the pull of these kids.

I hope to make this a family project. It takes you out of your comfort zone to think of another's needs. My kids need that. They forget or don't care about how blessed they are. Unfortunately, they are materialistic. Common for a kid, but worth working on. What better way for them to understand than to show them an actual child who they can pray for and write letters to? Julio's favorite activity is baseball and that will go over well here. I also picked a child close to my son's age so it would make it more real for us.

I'm not saying this is for you. But I do ask that you think about it. We are so incredibly blessed and we could, in turn, pass that blessing on to another family. That's what being a follower of Christ is all about.

washin' up jesus

2008-06-30T11:51:00.003-04:00

The title is what my son used to say when we would go to church and worship Jesus. I was really touched by a song we sang yesterday at church. It truly felt like worship in my heart. I wanted to share the lyrics with you. I don't know who has the copyright on the song. I looked online and saw the name John L. Bell, and also the name Robert Kochis associated with it. Whoever it is, great song!

The Summons

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name,
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where your love and footsteps show,
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

Definitely food for thought. A clear statement of what Jesus calls us to be. Do you hear Him calling? Can you hear the freedom in following Him? I hope this began your week with a blessing, like it did for me.

do you like it?

2008-06-27T16:56:00.003-04:00

First things first - did I really say ta ta for now in my last post? Yes, yes I did. And I'm sorry about that. I guess I was just excited about finding a FREE template online!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, how do you like my new look? I've always gravitated towards water scenes, lighthouses and darker colors because the title of my blog makes me think of those things. But what I love about this look is the different flowers. It reminded me of the many different emotions that we feel. Each one is different. My favorite part would have to be the raindrops. Because even when it rains, something is growing. I've been really learning that a lot lately.

I was waiting for someone to ask if the new, brighter template reflected that I was doing better with the whole fog thing. And it didn't take long - it was the first thing Handsome (my hubby) asked when he saw it. All I can say is that it is complicated. I have been studying about emotions and what God has to say about them. What I am learning has been a big surprise to me.

I'll be back soon to discuss what I'm learning because it might just be helpful to someone out there. Also there are New York pictures to share - because really there is nothing more riveting than pictures of other people's vacation, right?

Have a great weekend everyone!

change is a-comin'

2008-06-25T15:59:00.003-04:00

No, you aren't at the wrong blog...I'm tired of my old design and I found this one online - free! Can you believe it? I'll be working on it for the next couple of days. I have some new stuff to link to that I really think is neat so come back and visit, okay? Ta-ta for now...

there is something you can do

2008-06-24T00:20:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago, a few bloggers that I read went on a trip to Uganda with Compassion. I urge you to click on either of those links (or both) to learn more about the things we can do to help children around the world. But before you go (and please do - especially the blog posts from Uganda - they are life changing), I want to tell you about something. Because of the trip to Uganda, they have started a website - compassionbloggers.com - to generate interest in this world of bloggity goodness about the needs of children worldwide. In addition to sponsoring a child, you can sign up to blog monthly about a critical issue. After hearing of how lives can be changed with just a little effort on my part, I felt compelled to sign up.

Compassion has set up a Day of Prayer and Fasting on June 25th for those affected by the Global Food Crisis. I don't think that most Americans realize the extent of poverty and hunger in the world. It's way easier to just continue consuming at will and turn a blind eye. But the fact of the matter is, there are people in the world who go to bed hungry. While we buy new cars and complain about filling up our oversized gas tanks, these people spend the majority of their entire budget on food. I look at my son and realize that he has no idea how lucky he is. The momma heart in me cries out to these families whose children must suffer. I hurt for the moms and dads who must look their children in the eyes and say I'm sorry but there is no food tonight. We complain about the extra pounds that we have on our bodies and instead we should be thankful that we were able to have dinner tonight.

If God has laid this same burden on your heart, I invite you to go to the links in this post and look around. There are people out there helping and they could use your help. Pray about it. See where God wants you to step in. It might be praying. It might be giving to the Global Food Crisis Fund. Did you know $13 can feed a child for ONE MONTH? Or maybe it will even be sponsoring a child so that they are able to thrive and grow and most importantly, learn about Jesus Christ. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, do something. We are so blessed. How can we not do more?

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

another new friend (a MIRL!)

2008-06-23T22:32:00.004-04:00

Yeah, I just stole this picture off of Bev's blog, Scratchin' the Surface, because I have no idea where the camera is at the moment and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to find the cord to connect it to the computer. But, all the clothes are unpacked and the laundry is done and put away. Can you believe it?

We just got back from a 1300 mile round trip to New York City. I will post pictures of everything in the next few weeks as I stumble back into the swing of things. We went to NYC so the boys could take in the Reds/Yankees game at Yankee stadium and the girls saw Mary Poppins on Broadway. Along the way, we stopped at the Hershey Factory in Hershey, Pennslyvania, the Crayola Factory in Easton, Pennslyvania, four minor league parks, and most importantly, we stopped so I could meet my bloggy friend, Bev.

I emailed her when I realized we would be passing near to where she lives. We hammered it out and the next thing you know, I'm sitting in McDonald's with a stranger that I know a lot about. This bloggy world is neat because you get past all the surface things and really see a person's heart. I knew from reading Bev's blog that she has such a sweet soul and meeting her only confirmed that. We spent an hour or so catching up on things and chatting away like we'd known each other for years. And it felt like we had. We discussed big stuff and little stuff. I was sorry when the time came for us to leave. I'm thankful that there is that little thing called email so that our friendship can continue.

Oh, and just for the record, I do own more shirts than my Amy Grant Fan Club shirt. I was wearing it in the last picture and happened to be wearing it yesterday when I met Bev. My husband said he thought I did it on purpose. I didn't. I joked that it was my meeting strangers shirt. And also for the record, I got my haircut the day before we left for vacation and shouldn't have. It always takes my hair a few days to settle down. Still waiting... And by the way, for those of you who don't know what MIRL means - it means Meet In Real Life. Yeah, I didn't know that either for the longest time. Glad to be of service! :)

Thanks again, Bev, for being so gracious and kind! My kids adore you and are still talking about you. And wondering when I'll take them to McDonald's again... (yeah, thanks for that set up!)

my new friend amy

2008-05-21T21:41:00.004-04:00

i remember
standing in the hallway
by the gymnasium
eighth grade
the year almost complete
everyone goes
separate ways
to different schools
in a matter of days

i smuggled my walkman
to school
in a brown paper bag
with my favorite tape
unguarded
by amy grant

from my breaking heart
i wanted to play
the prodigal
for my best friend
my first christian friend
who was taking a different path
than me the next year

somehow i knew
we wouldn't speak again
or see each other again
and you know
i was right

so standing there
between classes
with the shouts of others
i turned the volume
all the way up
and played...

"I face the day again
Against the window pane.
I remain your closest friend,
And wish you back again.
You wonder how I feel;
You think you've pushed too far.
If only you could see this pen
Scribbling down my heart.

I'll be waiting.
I may be young or old and gray,
Counting the days,
But I'll be waiting,
And when I finally see you come,
I'll run when I see you--
I'll meet you."

was i dramatic or what?

all these years later
after a detour into country music
my favorite singer remains
amy grant

for christmas
my husband teasingly gave me
a membership to her fan club
(after i asked for it two years in a row)

and for my birthday
he gave me tickets to her concert
she was coming to my state!
and i've been counting the days
ever since

see, part of the deal with her fan club
is that you can go to her sound checks
for free
just register beforehand and you're in

so i did

and you know what?
i met amy grant
it was surreal
she is so down to earth
and so real

but wait,
hang with me here
it's gets better!

well see part of the membership
also allows access to
these online message boards
and i read on those
that most people give amy
a card at the sound check

that felt fake to me
so i vetoed the idea
but then i figured
hey i can write a fan letter
i mean i am a fan

and as my husband so sweetly put it
i was going to the concert
three hours early
two and a half hours away
i was pretty much committed
to being a fan

so i wrote a little letter
just saying thanks
because her music
has really helped me
over the years
as we weathered
similar things in life

i gave it to her tour manager
as they quickly snapped my picture
with her
and it was over

i went on to the concert
it's amazing all the things you notice
when it isn't your first time
seeing the stage
or hearing the songs

a little after half way through the show
amy says that before the show
she received a letter
from a lady
and she just had to include a song
because of it
this lady and her had similar life experiences

my husband leans over
and says
is that you? is that your letter?

and i just nod
tears streaming down my face

amy says
so here's a song for my sister
and anyone else who knows
the healing power of God's forgiveness

and then she sings
my favorite song

as tears continued down my face

she sang a song for me
can you believe it?
it's been a week and a half
and i'm still wrapping my mind
around it all

on one hand
it seems like it was no big deal
and in the grand scheme of things
i guess it isn't
she's a regular person too
(a very famous one...)

but on the other hand
OH MY GOSH
it was so cool!!!!
which may explain
my psycho look in this picture...

was i excited or what?

eve of 5

2008-05-02T22:34:00.002-04:00

he wore shorts today
for the first time
this season

and suddenly revealed
were legs that weren't that long
a few months ago

he's a counter
and a scheduler
he wants to know when and why

we've been counting down
the days to his birthday
for months now

not seasons
like baseball
but still a long time

today he celebrated
at preschool
with chocolate chip cookies

it's cute
they call it their special day
and wear a glittered yellow crown

before they have their snack
the special day kid
sits on a stool in the middle of the circle

the kids all go around
and tell what's special
about the special kid

a couple of them
gave what must be the standard response
he's special because God made him

a couple others
gave the other standard
he's special because he plays with me

one cute little girl
whispered in his ear
that he was special because she loved him

watch out world!

it got me thinking
of all the reasons
i think he is special

they are mostly the same reasons
that all moms think
their kids are special

but it was a little more touching
today
on the eve of 5

because 5 seems to start everything
it's such a big step forward
my baby boy isn't so baby anymore

and while i'm happy
that he is growing so well
a small part of me is sad

my eyes filled with tears
as i got my last
four year old kisses tonight

but i was filled with hope
as i felt more than saw
his future spread before me

God filled me with peace
reminding me that He is in charge
and will always be with my son

even as he grows
right before my very eyes

happy birthday little man

tball

2008-04-28T10:21:00.002-04:00

finally
the trees give way
to green
and with spring
comes tball

last spring
came the declaration
that baseball was to be played
sign me up

too little
was a concept
that confused him
being king of his world and all

next year
i promised
when is next year
he asked

this is spring
then comes hot summer
then the leaves fall off the trees
then it snows

then
finally
it is spring
and you can play

with every season
that came and went
it was compared to
the baseball master schedule

closer and closer it came
and he got more and more excited
i just can't believe
my little baby is old enough to play

the leaves started peeking out
and he asked me if it was spring
i told him almost
knowing he was really talking about baseball

then the day came
and it was really cold
but he didn't complain
not even a little bit

it was a family event
dad, mom, Baby Girl
we all came to see Little Man
practice for the first time

every time the ball flew through the air
he bounced in place
wondering if he could (PLEASE)
be the one to get the ball

reminded me of a puppy
all that was missing
was the panting
and the drooling

and maybe there was even that

friday's feast #188 (#29)

2008-04-25T09:22:00.002-04:00

It's been a long week but today is FRIDAY!! And that means Friday's Feast...If you'd like to read other people's answers or participate, click on the picture above.

Appetizer

Name something you would categorize as weird.

It's weird that my daughter is almost twelve and almost taller than me. It's happened so fast that it's just weird to me (and it makes me feel OLD!!).

Soup

What color was the last piece of food you ate?

light brown - a soft pretzel

Salad

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy being alone?

It depends on my mood. But being an only child, I'm more comfortable alone - lonely, but more comfortable. And being a mommy, I don't have much alone time, so I'll say an 8.

Main Course

Fill in the blank: I will __hopefully___ vote for _the right candidate___ in _November__.

Dessert

Describe your sleeping habits.

Anytime, any place. Seriously. :) (Usually go to bed between 11 and 12, up at 7:15. Catch a nap if I can during the day.)

Have a great weekend everyone!

time moves on

2008-04-13T22:06:00.001-04:00

driving to pick up little man at school
passed a grass cutting team
whiff of grass
the first of the season
spring is here

didn't realize how much i missed it
until it came back around again

the sun is shining today
it's still too cold to sit outside
but it's coming
it's coming!!

now if i can just get our neighbor
to stop mowing his grass
at naptime on fridays
or before nine on saturdays...

had to take care of some business
at a courthouse in the next town over
just filing paperwork
to deal with my uncle's death

my cousin went with me
thankfully
as it was a field trip for the boys
and they got bored right away

lots of questions
watching our bags go for a ride
down the conveyor belt
of a metal detector

the room was really a hallway
with may i help you windows
it was hot and unfriendly
with everyone's business out in the open

sixty-four dollars and fifty cents
to verify that yes, he's really gone
can i please handle the mess
that he's left behind?

but at least i wasn't the one
contesting a custody arrangement
demanding something be done
before school let out for the day

or the other guy
without the money to pay his hefty fine
i left before i heard
what would happen if he didn't pay

in these times of stress
i recognize
how truly blessed i am
even if it is hard

each obstacle
each challenge
a refinement
to bring glory to God

amen.

friday's feast #186 (#28)

2008-04-11T14:39:00.002-04:00

I didn't feel up to posting this meme last week. This week I thought it would be a great way to "get back in the saddle" - but there wasn't a new list of questions this week. So...here are last week's questions, this week. :) Oh, and if you'd like to read other's answers or join the fun, click on the picture above.

Appetizer
Invent a new flower; give it a name and describe it.

Oh boy, this is so not my style! Corrie, help! (That's my friend who likes to play in the dirt and get paid for it). I guess it would be like a tulip but hardier (is that a word?) so that it lasts longer. My tulips never last very long. And it would have to be purple - dark purple. So dark that there is some blue in there. I'd name it...quadlip - because it would last twice as long as a tulip. haha

Soup
Name someone whom you think has a wonderful voice.

Amy Grant

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how clean do you keep your car?

Seeing as how I spent 2 hours cleaning out my car the other day, I'd have to say it's a 10 right now...okay, maybe a 9 after Little Man had his breakfast in there this morning. Usually it's about a 5, I guess. Toys mostly.

Main Course
How do you feel about poetry?

What kind of question is that? I don't feel anything about poetry. But most of the time, when I'm feeling something about the events in my life, I write. Nine times out of ten it comes out in poetry form.

Dessert
What was the last person/place/thing you took a picture of?

The kids. I can't remember which one. Probably the little one. He's more willing and here with me all day.

goodbye thoughts

2008-04-05T15:37:00.004-04:00

I come here because I know that the only way for me to process this and wiggle my way out of the fog, is to write. I know someday I will want a trail to follow - a way to see how far I've come from where I am today. I guess that is truly the reason for this blog. To build history. For someone years from now to know the how and the why of the things I did. Even if the only someone is me.

There is a lot of suffering in the previous generation of my family. For a long time, I have relentlessly pursued the details - not wanting that suffering to be in vain. In the process, I have adopted that suffering and carry it with me. It recently dawned on me that I do not need to hold on to the suffering for it to be real or valid. It is my suffering, and it is not mine. Jesus Christ came and suffered so we do not have to. Will there still be suffering? Yes. But he has paid the price. The mercy and grace of God is ours because he suffered for us. That mercy and grace covers all the suffering on this side of Heaven. The hard part is letting it go - letting it be washed in the blood that was shed for me. I feel like I had to carry that past suffering for it to be redeemed, just as I have thought I need to carry my sins down this road of life in order to be redeemed. The a-ha moment for me yesterday is that both things are redeemed, not by my power, but by the power of Jesus Christ. Nothing, nothing I can do is stronger than that.

These thoughts have been triggered by the news that my father's brother has died. He died in mid-March. He didn't have a phone. He was eccentric. They could not find my contact information in his apartment - if they looked. They placed an ad in the paper looking for me, and I didn't see it. The deputy coroner waited a week, waiting...and when no one responded, they buried my uncle in the pauper's cemetary in an unmarked grave. Does the sadness of my family ever end? Do the feelings of failure ever end for me? I tried so hard to connect with this man, so like my father in so many ways, and he spoke of the delight of knowing each other, but he ran away from connections. Only on his terms would he be comfortable. Those terms were never clear, nor consistent. The last time I saw him, I knew it wouldn't be long. Down deep, I recognized the same patterns of conversation that so mimicked those last few precious conversations with my dad, almost 10 years ago. And like my father, he withdrew even more - more aware that the time was coming than he knew.

His heart stopped. And with that, the last full blood relation I have on that side of my family is gone. I'm sad. To not have more time. I'm mad. He didn't fight, knowing he could have prolonged his life. I'm relieved. The generation of suffering is at rest. I'm frustrated. There's a mess he left behind and I have to help fix it. I'm hurt. All the pain of my father's death has rushed back to the surface of my heart. I grieve for all these boys didn't have. For the time I didn't have with them. For the lack of depth that they found acceptable.

He loved to talk about his mom. Not many people had much respect for her. To me, she was the center of the suffering. The center of the mystery. I craved information about her. He knew that. I don't know if that's why he talked about her so much with me - or if he was wondering back to a time and place when someone loved him unconditionally. She wasn't capable of much, but I'm sure she loved her boys with all her heart. Call it a guess, but a mom's heart can go through quite a lot and that mom love is still very much intact. I don't think he ever felt that love again.

All I can do is see him in my mind's eye, the day before he had his surgery. It's been two and a half years from that time. I couldn't find him and out of the blue, there he was. Sick. In another hospital room. The same skin tone as my dad. It threw me for such a loop then. And now, all I can do is see him there, shaking his leg like I'm so accustomed to doing, scared to death. This little package of a man. I've only seen two men display fear in my whole life - and it's the two men who spent their entire lives building walls to conceal the fear. And in a matter of days, I was thrust to the center of their souls - and I saw the raw fear. Two men. Two different times. The tears came both times. For both of us. I reached deep both times to comfort a man I barely knew. I tried hard to bridge that gap of neglect and hurt, to reach into the heart of the matter, and bring peace. With my father, the first time, I didn't mention Jesus. I was afraid. But you better believe I did the second time. I would not let another one slip away. And I don't know where he stood at the end, when his time on earth was through, but I can tell you he knew that Jesus loved him and wanted to meet him right where he was. Oh, how I pray he reached out for Jesus.

Rest in peace, my uncle. No more fighting to survive. No more pain. No more loneliness. No more searching. It's over. You've run your race. You are whole in a way you've never been, just like Dad. And while I'll miss you both, and wonder what could have, should have, might have been, I know you both are far better off now than you've ever been. And someday soon, I will be happy about that.

friday's feast #185 (#27)

2008-03-28T11:19:00.004-04:00

If you'd like to play along or read other's answers, click on the picture above...

Appetizer

What does the color dark green make you think of?

Honestly? Baby poop. Isn't that terrible?

Soup

How many cousins do you have?

Never counted that before...21, I think. Big family, not that close to most of them. Life moves on...

Salad

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how honest are you?

Hey, we've had this question before!! I'd say probably a 9. Like I said before, I can't tell the lady with the funky haircut that it's awful if she asks. But other than that, I try really hard to be honest. Life's too short to be any other way. Besides, God calls us to be honest so it's the least I can do.

Main Course

Name something that is truly free.

Salvation through Jesus Christ. He paid the price - a hefty price - so that it is FREE to us. Hallelujah!

Dessert

Using the letters in the word SPRING, write a sentence.

Some People Really Invigorate New Growth. Um yeah, whatever... :)

Happy weekend everyone!

happy birthday to me!

2008-03-19T10:24:00.004-04:00

Yup, it's my birthday...doesn't matter which one, I stopped counting a few years ago. :)

And for a birthday treat, just look at this sweetness:

This is the sweetie who was born the other day. Yummy newborn goodness!

Have a great day everyone - and can someone find the sun for me? It's been missing for three days! Thanks.

she's here!

2008-03-14T22:59:00.003-04:00

I'm plain exhausted but I wanted to write a quick post to tell you that SHE'S HERE!! My friend, well actually my roommate from college, delivered a healthy 7 pound baby girl at 5:47 PM. They've named her Natalie Elizabeth and she is so precious!! I don't have my camera cord thingy with me or I'd post a picture. I will when I get home. Mom and baby are doing really well - just exhausted, like the rest of us. It took way longer than they thought it would (doesn't it always?) and so we (Grandma, Grandpa, her friend and I) had to keep up with and entertain her other two kids. They are 7 and 2.

Whew.

On that note, I'm off to bed! Good night!

friday's feast #183 (#26)

2008-03-14T01:09:00.003-04:00

Please forgive me for not having my handy dandy picture today. I am not posting from home. I am helping out at my roomate from college's house. She is being induced tomorrow with her second child! I posted about questionable test results earlier in her pregnancy. All turned out okay. Now, we just pray for a healthy delivery. I can't wait to meet her new baby girl!!!

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, here goes a try at this week's questions...

Appetizer
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how much do you like your own handwriting?

If I take my time, it's a 9 or 10. Usually I'm in a hurry though so it falls more like a 2 or 3. Speaking of handwriting, Baby Girl is in 6th grade this year and it was amazing to see the dynamic change in her handwriting. It went from "who cares?" to "girly, girly". Do you remember playing around with your handwriting as a kid? Was I the only one who did that?

Soup
Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers. Again, I'm usually in a hurry so showers make more sense. Really though, I never did care for baths. The water gets too cold, there are so many other things I could or should be doing, I can't read because the pages get wet, when's the last time I cleaned the tub?...Not exactly the most relaxing thing I can think of.

Salad
What was the last bad movie you watched?

It's been fairly recent that I've begun watching movies again. Somehow, having little ones prevents movie watching in my corner of the world. And the movies we do watch these days are usually animated and aimed at the under 10 set. I guess I would have to say the Ricky Bobby movie was pretty bad in my book. I love Will Ferrell and think he's a crazy guy - and the movie did have some funny parts in it, but it wasn't my kind of movie.

Main Course
Name something you are addicted to and describe how it affects your life.

It's a tie between reading and the computer. Both suck me in and prevent me from doing things I should be. I would probably engage my kids in more conversation or spend more time with my husband if I took control of these two areas. I've been working on it. But then again, I'd probably just watch more TV. Because I'm not saying my husband is addicted to it...I'm just merely suggesting he is. :)

Dessert
Which instrument is your favorite to listen to?

Wow, this is a hard one for me. I love music. I sincerely wish I was able to play a couple of instruments. I am really moved by listening to music. I guess I will name a few since it's late and my decision-making skills are impaired by fatigue. :) I love to listen to the sax (Kenny G, anyone?), the bag pipes, the piano, and the acoustic guitar. All good, good stuff.

Okay. I'm posted this and gettng some sleep. I get to hold a newborn tomorrow - YEAH me!! :) Have a great weekend!!!!!

friday's feast #182 (#25)

2008-03-07T09:29:00.004-05:00

It seems I haven't found the time to blog these days except for this meme. Frustrating! Anyway, if you'd like to participate or read other people's answers, click on the picture above.

Appetizer

If you could be any current celebrity for one whole week, who would you want to be?

Amy Grant. I really like her and I'd love to be able to sing like that!

Soup

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you enjoy talking on the phone?

Depends on who it is. Probably about a 5. If I didn't talk on the phone, I'd never keep up with some of my friends.

Salad

Name a charitable organization to which you have donated (or would like to).

In the past, I've donated to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I really think that is a good investment. Lately, I'm contemplating sponsoring a child from Compassion International. They recently did a trip to Uganda for some bloggers and their stories really touched my heart. It also validated the company for me - they really do spend the money where they say they do.

Main Course

What is a food you like so much you could eat it every single day for a month?

Tacos. Every day for as long as possible. That or donuts with white icing - but those aren't very good for you at all! :)

Dessert

Have you or anyone in your family had the flu this year?

Thankfully, no. (Knock on wood!)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

friday's feast #181 (#24)

2008-02-29T21:14:00.005-05:00

New picture, same meme - I missed last week but didn't want today to pass without participating. If you'd like to participate or read other people's answers, click on the picture above.

Appetizer

Who was the last person you hugged?

My son. It was bedtime so I got two hugs. Anything to make the whole bedtime routine last longer. :)

Soup

Share a beauty or grooming trick or tip with us.

Um, yeah. This isn't my strength. Oh, here's one I heard recently...usually I use up all my shampoo before the conditioner is gone. The tip is that you can use the conditioner instead of shaving cream when shaving your legs. I tried it - it works well! A great use for something that would be wasted.

Salad

What does the color yellow make you think of?

Sunshine. Happiness. Peace. Joy.

Main Course

If you were to make your living as a photographer, what subject would your pictures revolve around?

Ooohh, great question! I would LOVE to make a living as a photographer, but I'm just not that good. My pictures would either be of nature - animals, trees, flowers - or close ups of little kids. Or a combination of the two. I'll share some pictures sometime. I take lots and lots. By the way, did you catch the lunar eclipse the other night? Or "moon-er" eclipse as my son called it? I took some photographs of that - too cool (not my pictures, the eclipse).

Dessert

What was the longest book you ever read?

I've read so many books that I don't know. I guess the longest would be the Bible. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it's close. I'm working my way through and I'm almost there.

Have a great weekend everyone!